Primrose is the Color of Forever

Feeling

It's two hours past midnight.

The sun went down, along with my resolve, long ago.

I'm afraid of what I might do to her, and what I might do with the other woman.

The other woman. Took everything from me. Gave me nothing but misery.

Misery and a feeling. 

A Hellish feeling of Heavenly delight. How much I feel that feeling in her presence,

Frightens me. Guilts and rebukes me.

It is two hours into a new day.

There's no good thing to do at two. 

April rolled over in her sleep. Abel put down his pen.

His wife, now obviously showing, was carrying their child. She quite figuratively had the sun in her eyes and had a spirit much complimentary to his own. 

And yet, he entertained evil thoughts while so close to her. What a devil he was in contrast to his angel.

He opened his mouth, then he quickly closed it. He wanted to be better for April. He needed to be so much better than he actually was.

"April," he had said it now and could not take it back.

Her breathing remained uninterrupted as she was still fast asleep.

He didn't dare call her name again. Instead, he wrote on a sheet of paper:

Left something at the market. It won't take that long to get it.

Yours,

Abel

Abel left before his shame could catch up to him. There's no good thing to do at two, he thought. 

Yet, despite all of his wavering, he was surely outside of his front door in a matter of moments, breathing in the cold, dark air. He would come running to Roselyn just like he always did, just because she called.

Abel walked from his property, driven by the remembrance of a feeling. 

~

A number of numb steps later, Abel was at her door. He was sure it was the right one. It was the only room with the lamp lit. 

She had been waiting for him. She knew he would come.

He stood, wrecked. Truly, emotionally wrecked.

But if she had wrecked him, he thought, maybe she could be the one to set everything straight. Either way, he knocked.

His breath was shakier then he thought it would be.

The barrier fell away and he was face to face with her. He immediately looked away. 

"You came in the rain?" She asked. 

Abel looked down at his soaking overcoat. It had been raining and he was too numb to notice. He was sure that his mouth opened to say something and yet, nothing came out. Abel made the mistake of looking into her eyes.

Raindrops fell from his sodden hair and connected at his chin. Either raindrops or teardrops. Maybe both. 

"Why don't you come inside, Abel." She opened the door wider for him to enter.

Abel looked past her into the room that held so much promise and so much uncertainty. 

"We can talk," she added with a reassuring nod.

Abel looked and saw much more than the room. He saw his past, the agony and torture mixed with the lust and pleasure of being with Roselyn. He saw the years of emotional abuse, the years of being lost and unbalanced. The years of feeling invincible. And he almost took a step forward. But something extraordinary happened. 

He saw April. In his mind's eye, there she was; not doing anything in particular but just...sitting. He saw her bright, soft, kind eyes, her brown skin, her warm smile, her baby bump. He saw his life in her. He saw his happiness. He smiled easy. And Abel took a step back. 

"Roselyn," he said. "Whatever there was between us is completely over. There is no need to talk anything over anymore. Do not contact me again." Then Abel walked away.

She stared after him, confounded and speechless from not getting her way for the first time. 

Abel paid her no mind. He walked home to his family.

~

Abel threw away the note he had left, April hadn't woken up to read it. He slid into the sheets next to her and she stirred slightly. April's eyes opened slowly and silkily. "What are you doing up?" Her voice whispered.

Abel smiled, "Couldn't sleep," he said.

"Oh," she said, taking his hand in her own. "Your hands are so cold," she said. 

He didn't answer. 

"You know I had a dream about you?" She asked, looking into his eyes. 

"Yeah? What about?" He moved closer to her.

"I dreamed that you were falling and I that I reached out and saved you."

He breathed deeply. "You know," he said, "I think I had that same dream."

~

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