Chapter Twenty Five

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By the time we got to David's house, the rain was still pouring down though the thunder had stopped. As we got out of the car, I couldn't tell if everyone was crying or if it was simply the rain hitting our skin. It was more likely that it was the first of the two, what with what had just happened. I didn't entirely understand why we weren't rejoicing at the verdict, though I did feel the same emptiness that Claire, David and Lucas all felt.

"We can go and stay at mine if there's not enough space here," Claire offered, as we walked into David's cluttered living room. "But honestly, I'd rather not. I'm seriously considering packing up and moving somewhere else. That place just has too many bad memories."

Her voice sounded shaky and it was obvious that she was just looking for words that would occupy an otherwise stark silence. Perhaps that was why David offered to make hot chocolate, or why Lucas suddenly switched on the TV, or why I turned the volume up really loud. They all acted as distractions, because no one really wanted to think about what had happened. It wasn't entirely a victory because so much had been lost already. It was more about valuing what we had right now than what the verdict had given us.

"I don't want to write a speech," Lucas said, suddenly. "I'm going to go up there and say whatever comes in to my mind, and... and it might be stupid and the words might be messed up, but it's going to be raw and true and... It's what Laney and dad would have wanted."

"And what about what Maria would have wanted?" Claire questioned. "This is hard, Lucas, but you can't just ignore the fact that she was your mother. Yes, she wasn't the best person and yes she was your step-mother, but you can't deny the times that she did care for you." She walked over and gripped his shoulders when he avoided her gaze. "I'm not asking you to only remember those times, but don't isolate them. At least acknowledge the fact that she existed, that she lived and she gave you Laney. That has to mean something."

I sat down at the opposite end of the sofa and stared at the TV, not really taking in what was happening. Claire walked over and sat next to me, pushing my head into her shoulder blades. This time, it wasn't such an awkward hug.

In fact, it was quite comforting and made the funeral seem like a distant possibility.

Of course, it seemed like the complete opposite when it arrived. I woke up to cola cans and sandwich packets on the floor, with my muscles hurting from sleeping in such an awkward position. I tried to run a hand through my hair but it was much too tangled, and my clothes were all creased.

Lucas was on the other side of the sofa and was in a similar state. The only difference was that his hair was much shorter so it didn't look as messy as mine. I could see his hands were clutching the blanket draped over him with desperation, and sleep hadn't drained his pain. It had just acted as an opportunity for it to live, in the hope that eventually it would get tired and fade away.

"Morning, sweetheart," Claire said, coming in from the kitchen. "I brought all of your things over, so you can go and brush your teeth and get dressed. David made breakfast, so you might want to avoid that and just get some cereal instead. And we're going to drive up to the town hall in a couple of hours so we don't have long."

She made it sound as though she was reading off a list inside her head, though I could tell it calmed her down. It gave her back some sense of control, which - I knew very well by now - would give her enough spirit to get through the day. I hadn't thought about it enough, but Claire was an incredibly strong person even if she was nearly always hiding behind her anger. And whilst I had originally thought of it as a flaw, I had realised by now that it really wasn't. It was simply a human emotion that people were much too scared of. They believed it controlled you and hurt you. In reality, it was only a space for the other emotions to regenerate whilst all the negativity simmered down. It was helpful and beautiful.

Sincerely, RedWhere stories live. Discover now