Apartment No.4

Part 33: You're... You're... An idiot

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I feel like we've had too many sleepless nights. I just wished it wouldn't be this complicated but I know it's so much to ask given his past. I understand that he has trust issues and opening up to me was a struggle but I want him to see that he can trust me like he trusts Cam. I want him to see that I care about him in a way no one ever has.

Was I being completely irrational? I mean, I guess he didn't really need me at all, and I suppose I've always known that but it still hurt. In fact, it cut deeper than that of anything else anyone has ever said to me.

I crawled into bed without brushing my teeth or taking off my makeup. I stared out my window at the street lamps and the moon illuminated my room with a dull white light.

I watched as each grey cloud swaddle the moon turning it into a silver oyster in the sky and when I checked the clock by my bedside I wasn't surprised to see it was two in the morning already.

I heard the infamous creaking noise of my bedroom door and I immediately shut my eyes tightly, snuggle down a little more.

"Ashley, are you awake?" Whispered Mason. I was but I didn't want to talk to him when I could so easily break down in tears.

He didn't say anymore and I thought he'd left the room but the sinking of the side of my bed proved me wrong.

I felt his hand rest gently on my hip and heard him sigh.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've done." He murmured, his hand making my side all warm and tingly.

"I'm sorry that I mess everything up with all that I say and I'm sorry that I said I don't need you. Because I do. I need you more than I need air, I just don't know how to tell you."

Warm tears ran from my eyes and down my nose. I wanted so badly to reach over and hold him so tightly but I couldn't, he broke a piece of my heart tonight.

"I know you can't hear me," he let out a small, sad chuckle. "But I still want to let you know, that I'm trying my hardest to do the right thing. I'm sorry."

I tried my hardest to breathe normally but it just came in small hiccups that I hoped he couldn't hear.

I felt the bed shift back to normal and his hand leave my side. I immediately felt empty and hollow. I needed him, so badly that I couldn't breathe.

After a bit of deliberation and furiously wiping my eyes as I played his words over and over in my head, I got out of bed, shivering at the cold and shuffled through across the floor to his room.

I pushed open the door and closed it softly behind me.

He was on his back with his arm behind his head staring out the window and he didn't even move when I lifted up his blankets and snuggled onto his chest except to wrap his arm tightly around me.

I kissed his chest lovingly and got comfortable before drifting off to a peaceful sleep.

I woke easily in the morning, still in the same position we'd fallen asleep in and I looked out the window to see that it was snowing. I watched the little flakes of ice floating gently in powdery white along the street.

When Mason and I got out of bed we'd decided to make a grand decision: we decided that I would move into his room. His room had the best view of the moon and was closer to the kitchen...

Essentially we were going to take his desk out and put it in my room, take my chest of drawers out and put it in his. So, effectively, we had a guest room and study, all the while we would both be getting a great night sleep in each other's arms. And believe me, when it's in the negative degrees, you need all the warmth you can get.