To anyone that wonders if I'm writing about them: I am

Twenty.

I have found happiness and to my surprise it was not through another person (boy), but through god.
I don't know who reads these chapters.
I don't know if what I write somehow effects anyone who it may come across.
I don't know if whoever reads this believes in god.
I don't know if whoever reads this even believes in themselves, but for the first time I feel good.
I didn't know who I was.
This sad bubble cloud shit I was in, and still sorta go through has been called depression, but I don't want to accept that.
I prayed.
I've challenged myself to not speak bad on things I can't control.
Like how I look.
Things that go wrong in my life.
I've challenged myself to just accept it. And to embrace who I am, there is no mistake in me.
I'm currently on a flight back from California, from being at the NAACP image awards and I was given the opportunity to meet amazing actors who gave me once in a lifetime advice; and for the first time in my life do I finally feel like my dreams can and will actually come true.
Like they aren't dreams, like it's normal to want to achieve what I want to.
I feel relieved to have been surrounded by people of the same talent, with the same dreams, trying their hardest to accomplish them along with myself.
I feel inspired and I no longer want to die.
This trip internally healed me.
I don't know if you're black or white but I'm black and in my household depression isn't real.
In my community it isn't acknowledged.
My mother said last night "llogan you weren't bullied stop" when I said I was answering a commercial question.
It may not have been severe like telling me to die but it was bad .
I was bullied/ severely teased all through middle and elementary school.
For the first time I feel like there is a chance
I have no excuse no opportunity
At this point if I fail it's because I was too lazy to feel obligated.
If I fail it's because I lost track of the vision.
My new outlook surpasses school.
I. Will. Be. A. Monumental. Actress.
Speak things into existence, it works.
One day I'll turn this in to a real thing.
A real book.
A life lessons book.
To touch on the boy.
The boy who broke me, well I'm doing great without him. I don't care how he is, we don't speak.
I wish him and everyone else in my life well, but he's no longer in it and I feel great.
I have been great
Happy, and while I sometimes still (often) joke about suicide I don't actually want to die as bad anymore.
Of course I have my days where I do wanna just die but lately I feel good.
I encourage every and anyone to read all the books you can, to visit all the places you'd like to see, to create goals and accomplish them all; because we each deserve happiness and it feels pretty damn great.