The Mistake

Drama Queen

I looked down at the ground as I walked, feeling more unnerved with every step. Cami has been walking beside me, blabbering on about how she 'totally made out with Eric from third period at the bonfire on Friday.' She didn't ask me if I even had a good time there. She just kept talking.

I had to resist the urge to just scream at her for leaving me alone, while she was off kissing some guy.

She must've noticed something was off because she stopped talking and frowned.

"Everything okay? You're quiet. I mean, more quiet than usual."

"Yeah... why?"

I didn't want to tell her what was wrong, just forget about it. But she was my only friend and I needed to get that off my chest.

I sighed when she gave me a pointed look, clutching my books tightly.

"It's just... I don't get why you asked me to go with you if you were going to be fine going by yourself. I never really wanted to go in the first place..."

The words hung in the air for a second as she registered what I said.

"What?" She laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"Sorry... it's just I didn't really know anyone and you just left without telling me where you were going or for how long. And I was just there."

"Well, yeah. The point was you would get to meet new people." She said in a casual tone, just brushing it off. When I didn't say anything, she turned around to face me again.

"Oh, come on Sam. You could've just talked to anyone until I came back. Did you need me for that?"

"Except you didn't come back. I was stuck there and I had to get a ride because you had gone home with some guy." My tone sounded harsher than I intended it to come out, and I froze as I waited for her reaction.

"Chill out. You could've asked anyone for a ride. Jeez, Sam, come on. Don't be such a drama queen." The way she said it told me it was playful, but the words really hit deep. My stomach sank and I almost flinched.

She was right. I shouldn't be bothered by such little things. Did I expect her to be with me all the time? Maybe I was a drama queen.

It wasn't her fault I had anxiety. It was mine. It was my fault that I couldn't even socialize without a near panic attack. My fault that I wasn't a normal person, like I used to be.

I hated that I couldn't control it...

"I'm sorry." I spoke quietly, slouching my head.

"It's fine. So, I was thinking..." She waved me off and kept talking as if nothing had happened, but I felt even worse than before.

I shut down as soon as her words sunk in, spending the rest of this already horrible, anxious day with my head down.

***

My feet felt heavier than before, each step weighing me down as if rocks were tied onto my shoes.

I could feel my eardrums close to bursting, the loud music pumping through my head. But I didn't care, I turned the music even louder, trying desperately to drown out the thoughts.