Fifth harmony imagines

Camila: we'll make it

(Your P.O.V)
"I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy" I whispered to myself while sitting on the bathroom floor, my legs close to my chest and my head between my hands, I hold my hair in my fists and blood ran down from my wrists to my elbows keep telling myself that I'm not crazy.

No one here to save me from myself, I'm living with my girlfriend but right now she's on tour with her band Fifth harmony, I though that I'll be okay when she's not around but I was wrong, she keep my sanity, before she left I though it all pass and I'm normal, she asked me to come with her but I refused and I feel so stupid for not going with her.

I really can't understand what Camila find in me, why she picked me? She can get someone more better, normal and unproblematic, I have schizophrenia and self harm, I can be so annoying when I get panic attack, Camila never gave up on me and she still isn't, I am not deserve her.

"You okay, you okay, I'm okay" the lies I tell myself every time, I'm not okay, I need to hospitalized in a mental hospital, I'm a harm for the people around me, I'm toxic "I'm okay, I'm okay" my phone started to ringing and I saw Camila's name 'Babe💕', I can't say anything to her, she's busy I can't bother her with my problems.

"Hey" I put a smile on my face even though she can see me "babe" I said.

"Hey bear, open the door" what?! She's here? She can't see me like this, I have to clean myself.

"I-I'll be right there" I said and get up, I started to clean as fast as I could taking the knife I used to harm my wrists and threw it away in the trash, then clean my hands and wrapping my hands with bandages at the place the blood was exit my body, I ran and opened the door and enter our bedroom and put on a big hoodie.

"(y/n)?" Camila stand at the door of our bedroom with smile on her face.

"Cami" I ran and hugged her tight, I felt so safe in her arms, like noting can hurt me but when she let go I felt my mind shooting different ways and I hold myself up, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy.

"What you didn't opened the door?" She asked as she put a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I was in the bathroom" I said, well I'm didn't lied, I was there but I can't let her know what I had been pass those few weeks, she's happy I can't bother her with my stupid problems "so how was tour?" I took her hand and sat her on the bed and sit as well.

"It was amazing" she said with light in her eyes "I met a lot of fans and I met so many artists, even discovered new music, here" she took her phone out of her pocket and put on a song in French.

"Wow this song is amazing" I said "what the meaning of the lyrics?" I asked and she shook her head.

"I need to look up for it, I didn't had time to do it" I nodded "so how do you feel?" Camila took my hand in both of her hands and kissed it with her soft warm lips.

"Good" I looked down, I can't look at her while telling my lies, I hate lying to her "aren't you tired?" I changed the subject.

"Not really, I want to spend time with my beautiful girlfriend" Camila titled her head to the side get closer to me and attacked my lips with her warm ones, I closed my eyes and respond the kiss by kissing her back, moving my lips with hers perfectly, she let my hands explode her body while her hands rest on my shoulder and connected behind my neck, she licked my bottom lips and i opened my mouth a little, Camila took my bottom lips between her teeth, suck it into her mouth and let go "wait, I have to pee first" I nodded smiling as she get up and went to the bathroom.

It didn't even passed a second as Camila come out of the bathroom "wow that was fast" she looked down and walked to me, holding something in her hands "what you got there babe?" I asked, Camila slowly showed me a knife,  I looked down.

"Show me you wrist" her voice was soft but still had a commanding tone, I didn't moved "(y/n), show me your wrist" I roll my sleeves up, showing my new bandage, Camila took my hands in hers and I saw a tear making her way down my girlfriend face and I knew, I let her down, the tears just burst out of me "why?" She asked but she already know the answer.
I was ready to hear her saying that it's over, that she can't take it anymore, that she thought I could change but she was wrong, I was ready to take everything she would shoot at me "I love you".

"What?" I asked and she took my face in her hands.

"I" she pointed at her face "Love" then down her chest, where her pure heart is working "You" and lastly she pointed at me "we gonna help you all over again" why is she doing it?.

"Camila..." she looked at me with a smile that I couldn't returning right now "I love you too, but I can't, I can't be with you... I don't want you to suffer" my voice started to shake a bit "I-I want you to have normal life and I c-can't give it to you Camila, I want you to be happy even if it's not with me" I whispered the last sentence.

"But you are my happiness (y/n)" I get away from her "babe you are, I can't see my self without" she get closer to me

"Camila, I'm not normal" I said and get up facing her, she nodded.

"I know but no one is" I shook my head no.

"You know it's not the same" I said "you are normal and I need to hospitalize in a mental hospital" she laughed.

"I love you and we going to get though this" she took my hand and attached to her hand "together".

"I..." I sigh.

"Just say yes and we make it though babe" Camila smiled at me "I believe in you" I nodded slowly.

"Will make it together" I said and Camila connected our lips I a gentle kiss full of emotions, I felt her love, the love was dominant in this kiss "thank you Camila" I said as we cut the kiss.

"For what?" She asked confused with her childish smile.

"For not giving up on me, you still believe in me even then I'm not believing in myself and when everybody else distanced away from me you stayed" Camila kissed my cheek.

"I'm just doing my duty" I shook my head no.

"It's not and you know that" I said "so why?"

"I do it Because I'm your girlfriend and you're important to me, I do it because I love you" i looked into her brown big eyes and saw how honest she is.

"I love you so much" she nodded and I hugged her tight.

Why I get so lucky having her? God send me an angel and I don't know why I did to deserve her.