You and I » Lip Gallagher [1] {EDITING}

»part 24 » seventh wonder

The boy I loved was no longer mine.

But I guess he never really was in the first place. We always knew there was something holding us back from truly being together. Whether it was his inability to love another person or my ability to push away the feeling of love, we never could have made this work. In this world, we're just two dysfunctional teenagers who are too young to know of a feeling like love.

After everything went down with Lip, I went to the only place I had left.

Aunt Sarah's.

She wasn't exactly happy to see me. To her, I was just another greedy mouth to feed that wasn't her own. I don't know what her problem is, she's hardly ever home. If she isn't at home, she's sleeping with some sleaze who picked her up from the strip club. She's just about as absent as my father is from my life. As for my mother, well, she's still around. She and Jim are getting ready for their big move to San Francisco. She's still convinced I'm going with her. She thinks that because I'm staying with Sarah, I'm automatically going to leave with her. She's still crazy.

I've been staying away from the Gallagher house for my own good. I know she's there with him. Ian told me that they've been hanging out a lot. If I were to see him with her...the things I would do. But I choose not to think about it.

He keeps calling. When I don't pick up, he texts. Usually he's drunk and usually he's angry. He leaves voicemail's almost daily about how I'm selfish and jealous. Then he'll call again apologizing and asking me to come back.

No matter how bad I want to, I can't.

The nights are harder without Lip. If I'm not thinking about him, I'm dreaming about him. If I'm not dreaming about him, I'm drawing him. His faces consumes every inch of my brain. I can still feel him in my heart. It's suffocating. His love that runs through my veins is dying. It's turning my blood to char and my heart to ash. His love is dying along with my sanity.

My addict looks like a corpse. I thought she looked sickening before but now – now she's dying. Her figure is so thin I can practically see the bones in her face. Her collar bones stick out like a sore thumb. Her hair is falling out along with her teeth. Her once pale skin is now a sad ugly grey color. She hasn't said anything to me. She hasn't even laughed. Day in and day out, she sits in her corner with dry tears on her cheeks and her mouth sewn shut.

Deb's is consistently calling me and begging me to come back. She tells me that she can't handle the kids all by herself. I guess baby Derek bit her on her boob and now all the kids use her as a chew toy. I feel bad, I really do. But if I go anywhere near that house – anywhere near him – I think I might fall through the Earth.

But Fiona called me. She hardly ever calls me which is how I knew something was wrong. When I picked up the phone, she was hyperventilating. Through the sobs and sniffles I managed to make out a few sentences. Something about her fucking an old high school crush who was apparently married and now they were in her kitchen begging for forgiveness. Through all the tears, Fiona said she desperately needed family time. Which included me.