Princess of the Rogues

Seeing the Light

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Chapter 27

                Jen’s POV

                The light. It was there. It was so tempting. I could feel it as it soothingly pulled me towards it. I looked down at myself. I was in a perfectly white and delicate dress. It looked heavenly and that is what I was afraid of. My hair was pulled back in intricate braids that fastened in a bun at the back of my head. I scanned myself at that point. There was not one bruise, not one scar. There was no pain rippling through my body. I felt healthy and good.

                It was darkness apart from that one light. That one light would join me with my mother and the moon goddess. It would bring me peace and security. I would never have to suffer. I would never have to feel pain again. I had done my duty. I had fulfilled my purpose. I don’t think my body could take any more pain.

                I looked back to the light. It was so pure and comforting. I immediately felt at ease. I turned and looked into the darkness behind me and felt pain ripple through me in the places of my injuries. I didn’t know what to do. I was stood here lost in my thoughts and opinions. I was being given the choice of life or death. I didn’t know which one to take.

                I placed my head into my hands as I thought of what to do. I thought back to what I had done and what had happened. My mind flashed to the each stroke of the whip against my skin, each scrape of the knife through my skin and each punch or kick to my body. I remember slashing Jamie’s throat and stabbing the knife into my father’s neck. They both died because of me. I was becoming more of a murderer with every day I lived.

                Maybe, that is why I don’t deserve to live.

                I felt empty though. My heart felt empty. I felt unfulfilled and unloved. I had never fully been loved. I had never fully achieved happiness. I really wanted that. I wanted that with Xander. I wanted his love. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, in a caring and loving pack. I wanted that. I wanted all of that happiness I have never experienced. I want that safety and that love. I wanted to have a family of my own, with children I would love and cherish until the day I die.

                I wanted to be a good luna to the pack. I wanted to prove that I was a good person to everyone. I was not a Princess of the Rogues. I was just a normal wolf looking for a good life. I wanted that. This is what I wished for in my life. I would fight for that. I would fight for Xander. I would die for Xander.

                I looked back to the light. It had lost all the appeal it had to me. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready for death. I had too much to fight for. I had too much to hope for. I remember seeing Xander’s crushed face as I told him I loved him.

                I had finally told him I loved him. That was the most honest I had been. I needed him to know how much I cared. I loved him and I wanted to be with. I didn’t want him to feel guilty with what I had to go through. I needed to help him through the pack recovery. I had to wake up. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to. The tyranny of my father was over. This was finally my chance of a proper life.

                I turned firmly from the light and began to walk into the darkness. A pain rippled through my body. With every step I took the pain grew. It continued to get worse until it was nearly overwhelming. I stumbled slightly but continued into the never ending darkness that spread out in front of me.