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The Aristocat Lounge was booming full of people and the music played loudly. Everyone was enjoying themselves and I was playing my part as well.

But inside, I was a cacophony of emotions.

Tony had left. I hadn't told him to, but my silence had been too long. He had walked out and I hadn't seen him in almost five days.

He had given up on blue.

I was a drone as I worked the floor, circling the table, delivering drinks. Dan was up at the bar, being his usual charming self while flipping bottles. A few girls were leaning in over the counter, trying to flash their cleavages. I watched the scene before my eyes, watched the mirth in Dan's eyes as he shook his head and told them they were barking up the wrong tree.

I used to love seeing the disappointment on their faces, the sting when they realized he was off limits and off territory. Dan loved it too, but that was because he was a sucker for the attention. I used to be the same way. Who didn't love a good compliment from a hot, flirtatious stranger?

But, as I watched the scene now, I felt nothing. There was a hollowness in my chest I wasn't familiar with, but I knew exactly what had caused it.

It was my own fault. I hadn't quit while I should. I hadn't turned away when he had. Everything about him was messed up and I saw it right from the start, yet stupidly, I ran towards him. Ran towards chaos.

With chaos now out of my life, everything else suddenly seemed dull.

Dan caught my eyes in the moment I'd let my façade fall for a split second. I saw his grin fade, saw a small frown slide onto his face instead. He slung his apron over his shoulder and made his way towards me, at the very end of the bar.

"What's going on?" He asked, leaning in towards me to speak privately over the loud music. "What's with the face?"

He didn't know about Tony spending the night. As it turned out, Kyle and him had left early that morning to catch some farmer's market that started at 8am. He had sent me a text, but I hadn't bothered to check my phone—had forgotten to. Just like I forgot myself when I was around Tony.

"I'm okay," I replied, rubbing my temple. "Just a headache. Is it just me or is the music louder than usual?"

"Carlos is trying to make up for the fact that he's missing a violin," Dan replied, giving me a pointed glare. "Are you ever going to tell him or are you gonna keep up the pretense?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. Should I give up as well or wait a few more days? "I... I'll think about it, okay?"

Dan eyed me out, but then gave me a nod. "Alright. Gotta get back to work then," He grabbed the tray from my hands. "What do you need?"

Tony, my mind silently whispered.

~~~

I shivered as I rounded the corner of my building, pulling my jacket closer around me. The freezing cold nipped at my skin as gentle snowflakes danced down from the sky. Me and Dan had gotten off from work about 30 minutes ago. We had parted ways on the subway, Dan spending the night with Kyle again. I had a feeling they were getting serious.

That's why I found myself wandering down our block alone, my fingers numb from the cold. I had forgotten my gloves, and the thin satin gloves the lounge provided gave no warmth whatsoever. I hurried towards our door, frisking out the key from my pocket.

My feet halted to a stop when a shadow loomed in front of the building. His hulking figure got accentuated by the bulb from the streetlight above us, the shadows carving out his features. The tip of his trench coat was wet with snow.

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