[Chapter Thirteen] It's Okay

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Chapter Thirteen – It's Okay.
Julian's Pov

I was planning on waking up and spending a little bit of time explaining to her that I needed to stay away from her. I needed to give her space and be the one that followed through on it. As she slept I thought of what I was going to say and thought I was ready, but when she woke up and opened those green eyes I forgot everything I was about to say.

There was no doubt that I was very attracted to her, but I don't think she would recognize that if it hit her in the face, so when she shifted and was laying on top of me, I wasn't going to complain. I don't think she realized she moved, she wasn't a forward person. I wrapped my arms around her and tried to tell her what I planned but the look on her face told me I never would be able to stay away.

I can't believe she actually thought she was fat. You could see her ribs slightly because she was a little underweight, her friend is fucking crazy and if I could just get my freaking hands on her.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, nothing wrong with not kissing a bunch of guys, nothing wrong with being her at all. It made her all the more attractive to me, knowing that she was completely pure made me look at her so much differently.

And the other side of me, or shall I say part, liked the idea that if I could open up to her, and get her to do the same then I could be with her. I tried to show her that she wasn't fat, but I also just wanted to feel her skin underneath my palm, so I pushed her shirt up and I could tell it affected her.

She liked being as close to each other as I do, though I doubt she understand that it's physical, not to sound cocky or arrogant, but she's attracted to me too. When I got closer to her and felt that bit of flesh pressed to mine she turned red, it was cute.

When I called her pretty girl, it was a shock to me really. I never thought I could call anyone but Mia that nick name. Mia. For the first time I didn't just think of Mia and feel angry, I was smiling and joking with her.  It was different.

I enjoyed teasing her about asking me if I would sing for her. If she wanted me too, of course I would. Her blush was so freaking cute though. I enjoyed making her all flustered.

I felt like there was two people inside me, the man my mother had raised me to be, and the man that showed himself through my addiction. I was trying to do the right thing, but part of me was craving to be with her in ways I knew neither of us would allow.

With her small body beneath mine and those shorts on her, I found it hard to control myself. She didn't seem to take in the position we were in.

She was lying underneath me with her hands above her head while I hovered far enough above her she wouldn't feel exactly what I was thinking about right now, and her legs were spread apart so I could lay between them.

As we talked I had to force myself not to move my hands and run them up her smooth legs, to touch her and push that shirt up just a bit higher. I wanted nothing between us and to see if she felt as good as I thought she would.

So instead I touched her face or pushed her hair back, other than that I balled my fists to keep them where they were.

I've been here months, and not sleeping with anyone was taking a toll on me, but I still held on it. I tried thinking of anything to keep my mind clean. But talking again about how innocent she was, it made a certain part of me remember that if I was ever with her; she would fully be mine, untouched and pure.

I fought hard not to groan and I put my forehead against hers and took deep breaths to calm down, but calming down wasn't hard when I heard Lacey's freaking voice. Bailey was so embarrassed that she was here and heard all of that, and then she got assigned the role of little sister, well fuck she was annoying like Sarah!

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