I Do What I Want (Drarry)

Understood

"Draco." Harry said softly. Draco looked up surprised by the use of his first name. "If you had told me sixth year what was going on I would have helped you in a heartbeat. Even without knowing that you wanted to be my friend I would have helped you. No one should have to go through that. No one." He said with a stern expression.

Draco peered closely studying Harry's face. He found no lies. He smiled slightly. "I would say that is so Gryffindor of you. But I think it is more than that. It is just so you. You see the world through different eyes Harry. I really do believe you would have helped me. That is not something other people would have done. I admire that about you." He said with another small smile. Draco's words caused another wave of heat to warm his face. Draco's smile grew bigger at that.

"Okay moving on. My attempts at killing him were quite pathetic. I hadn't even tried. I just put in the basic effort to make it appear as if I was actually trying. I never ever intended anyone to drink that bottle of mead. I certainly never wanted to harm Weasley. As much as I can't stand him, I never would have actually tried to kill him. I heard what happened and I almost wanted to rush to you and admit what I did. Same for Bell. I never thought she would touch it. I never wanted to harm anyone. I promise you." Draco said with a pleading tone to it.

Harry smiled at that. "I believe you." He promised to Draco. His face instantly became relieved. "I was becoming desperate. Unsure of how to continue or what to do. I spent so much time in the room of requirement fixing that stupid vanishing cabinet. The murder attempts were easy to blunder but there was no way out of working on the cabinet. If I hadn't they would have known something was up. They were already suspicious as it was. That was a tough year for me. I couldn't confide in anyone. It wasn't like I could just tell Blaise and Pansy. They were not deatheaters so there was no way I could tell them. Frankly I am glad. I didn't want them to know how far I had sunk, I didn't want to see their disappointment in me. I was at rock bottom. Too much of a coward to do a damn thing about my life." Harry took his chin in his hands and forced Draco to face him.

"I don't think you are a coward Draco. Far from it." Draco raised his eyebrows. "You were in a hard place. There was no way out. Either you did what you were told or your family would die. That to me is a no brainer. There was only one thing you could do. Family is important. Even though I don't have one I know exactly what I would have done. Hell, I stormed the Ministry knowing full well it could be trap just to save Sirius. You were stuck in a snake pit with no way out. You did the only thing you could do. Survive. That to me in its own way shows bravery Draco. So please don't call yourself a coward. I won't stand for it." The last part was said so sternly that Draco smiled.

Relief. That was what Harry could see in Draco's silvery grey eyes. He could almost visibly see the weight being lifted from Draco's shoulders. Draco closed his eyes at those words. He savored them. Someone thought he was brave. Not just anyone. Harry bloody Potter thought what he did was the only solution. It lifted so many years of self-loathing off his shoulders. He never felt more free in his life.

"Thank you, Harry. That means a lot to me." He said quietly opening his eyes and staring into Harry's green eyes. Harry had to hold back another gasp. Draco's eyes held so much emotion in them. It was beautiful.

Draco cleared his throat. "Okay let's continue." Harry smiled and nodded. "When the time came down to it, I was on the astronomy tower with my wand pointed at Dumbledore. I couldn't go through with it. But I had always known that. He offered me protection Harry. It was everything I ever wanted. He even knew about the attempts and he still offered me protection. I wanted to take it, needed to take it. I lowered my wand and was going to do it. I was going to betray my family. I was going to betray the Dark Lord. I was finally for once in my life going against what was expected of me. But as I lowered my wand the reinforcements came in. I hadn't had any time to accept the proposal. I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum. Worst timing ever. Then Severus came in and finished what I had started. He had to though. He made the unbreakable vow with my mother. I never wanted him to kill Dumbledore. I feel guilty that he had to." Harry interrupted him.