The Bad Boy Has A Soft Spot

Chapter 8 Red

Roselia's POV

-Monday-

My dream wasn't that difficult. Difficult was a relative word. It just depends on what you are aiming for. If you're willing to take the risks, the failures and all the problems involved in reaching your goal, then it shouldn't be that difficult since it's what you signed up for anyways. I never noticed how easy reaching for my dream was. I have accepted for a long time that I was going to face troubles, uncertainties, stress and all the good stuff if I pursued a career anywhere science-related. Once I set my mind to it, it didn't feel like it was a burden. Sure I had to apply everywhere to keep my options open. But when I received the news that I was granted the scholarship to NYU, memories of sleepless nights, worries and tears vanished. Dani and Nana were ecstatic that I could attend an ivy league school on a full scholarship! That meant Dani could focus on paying the house bills and Nana's medical bills. I was relieved I could remove a burden from Dani's shoulders. I've realized that upon reaching my dream, I had to look at it from a vantage point. Did I want to make myself happy? or make the people around me happy? I have been so used to the latter that sometimes, I forget about my problems as if they were irrelevant to Dani's and Nana's. Every time a problem came whizzing into my face, I would face it head-on, took the burden of it myself, read a book to escape and get rid of the emotional trauma. The reason I wanted to become a doctor in the first place was to make other people happy. I didn't care if I break, bleed or cry, as long as the people around me were on cloud nine. This was my comfort zone; to make other people happy. So to make difficult decisions, let's start from there, shall we?

A feeling I was experiencing didn't make me happy, but it did make Kyle happy, right? Every time I'm around him I'm uneasy, agitated, flustered and nervous. It was at certain times in our conversations that I felt safe for a fleeting moment and disappeared as he spoke the next words. I have been weighing out the situation and whether or not I accepted his confession. If I accepted it, I would risk our friendship altogether in which I was comfortable in. If I didn't accept it, I would just feel pity for him and it was a burden to me. So I decided.

The weekend was a blur. All I did was binge on Henry James' horror novels and gasped at the enigmatic plot and beautiful writing. By the end of it, I was bawling my eyes out and running down the stairs like a little baby to Nana, asking for a shoulder to cry on. She sat with me on the sofa as I gave myself a good cry for an hour as Nana patted my hair continuously. I then calmed down and explained to her that it was all because of a book written by an awesome writer.

I looked back to my weekend and a small smile found its way to my lips as I ran through the parking lot to reach my organic chemistry class. I was determined to find an answer this time.

I sat at my TA desk in organic chemistry with Kyle by my side who looked as confident as ever. As the professor explained electrophiles and neutrophiles -an extremely boring topic- I used it to ask Kyle. "Do you happen to have a black paper somewhere in your bag?"

In silence, he pulled out a piece of paper from his bag. I thanked the heavens that he was in possession of such a trivial object. Hurriedly, I touched the black fabric and felt around the edges. It was not a sticky note. It was not even the right shape. Nevertheless, I tried my luck and wrote down with a correction ink pen, 'Making up for lost time.' I gave it back to him and he wrote down on the same paper with a pencil which was barely readable. ''for what?'

He didn't give me the soda. That only leaves me the other option, the jerk gave me the soda. Why? I couldn't put a finger on it. We were enemies, for crying out loud! We made that completely clear for each other at the cafeteria the other day.

'That compromising position?'

I shook my head and got lost deep in thought. Apart from the fact that he was just preventing breaking my nose, there was no motive at all. We made it clear! I even said we were enemies and he replied with ditto. At business period, I still hated his guts even until the end. I hated him! Although I was thankful for his help, it was merely a TA-student relationship. Nothing more!