1.18 - The Kiss

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Do you know the feeling when a bucket of water with plenty of ice cubes in it, is dumped over your head without any warning and you want to yelp but your breath is stuck in your throath restricting your vocal cords as chills ride into your bones?

Well, that's the feeling I'm going through right now. No, nobody has dumped a ice-bucket over my head but right now that would have been much better than watching the scene in front of me.

All my previous determination went out of the window and probably got burnt with its ashes flying far away with the wind.

Ian and Ashley stood at the doorway or should I say Ashley was cornered to the wall with her legs wrapped around Ian's waist, her dress falling back showing her legs and her red heels sticking out. Her hands were busy roaming messing his hair while his hands roamed up and down her body and their lips stuck together and moved in sync.

Their moans and grunts echoed throughout the night beside my shallow breathing. I just watched them frozen in my place without blinking my eyes. I forcefully averted my eyes from them towards Aiden who sat beside me looking at the hood of the car with sullen look

"Are you going to watch them have it here or you're gonna drive?" I asked him surprised myself and him by the steadiness in my voice. He nodded without looking at me and drove back and out the gates of my husband's home.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked after a while of silently driving. I honestly don't know where I want to go.

"Let's go back" I said and quickly added as he gave me a wide-eyed look "to the benefit" he nodded wordlessly and started driving. Once we reached the hall he got out of the car and I shifted to the driving seat with great difficulty. Once I was buckled up, I drove off leaving a worried Aiden with slumped shoulders as he watched my car go away. I think he knew that we were going back just to drop him off seeing that he left the keys dangling at its place and didn't ran after my car yelling me to stop.

After driving aimlessly for about three hours I hit the brakes. My hands aching and my back stiff from sitting at the same position for so long. I don't know where I was so I looked around and saw empty landscape as far as my eyes can see with a one way - empty road in the middle. Just like the place I want.

I pulled the car in the landscape away from the road so I won't be blocking anyone's path and I killed the engine, removing my seatbelt. My phone started blaring to life emitting harsh light as if someone was trying to desperately reach out for me but I had no intentions of letting anyone in so without much thinking I switched my phone off and threw it on the passenger seat getting out of the car.

The slightly chill breeze blew against my skin as if saying a silent welcome. I looked above my head and prevented myself from gasping out loud. Several stars stretched out in the sky twinkling back at me as if several puppies looking at me with curious eyes. Previously when people used to say that there are millions and trillions of stars out there but I never believed them saying I never saw it myself.

But today as I look up in the sky I do believe them. The moon was at the far end of the other side of the sky but its light illuminated the whole ground saying it's okay to be alone for once. I'm here to protect you.

I sighed and climbed on top of the car and lied down on my back looking up in the sky like they held all answers to my questions. My heart was filled with so much sadness and loneliness that it only felt like an heavy organ in my chest that only beats to pump blood in my veins. My mind was blank. Silent.

As if leaving me to grieve. Grieve for the loss of my husband that was never mine to be called.

I remembered when I was a little girl dad said that all those we love become stars when they die and watch over us. I desperately searched for a star that will show me my mum.

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