My Husband's Girl

1.23 - The Funeral

Black.

I've always hated that colour. It reminds me of death and here I am wearing black clothes to attend her funeral.

I still can't believe she is gone. Though everything is in front of my eyes screaming 'she is dead' but I can't bring myself to believe it, atleast not my heart.

The wrecked car, the burnt body, the necklace around her neck that belonged to her mother and then the ring on her index finger that she always wore. Since her body suffered 97% of burn they suggested we do not bury her like that.

So we decided to bury her ashes in a casket beside her mom, where she wanted to be.

I looked myself in the mirror. There stood a man dressed in black satin shirt with sleeves rolled till his elbows and black trousers with black shoes. His eyes red and emotionless with a stubble growing. I couldn't recognise this man. This isn't me or wasn't.

I glanced at the series of ties that lay abandoned on the corner of my closet. I told Marie to throw them but she wouldn't listen to me.

"Son, it's time" dad said coming inside my closet. He was in a mess as me. Puffy eyes, messy hair and unshaved beard dressed in black. Everyone that knew Alison shedded tears when we heard the news.

I sighed a heavy breath and nodded at my dad walking out of the closet without waiting for him and sat inside the car waiting for us outside my house. Soon dad sat beside me followed my Marie and we were off to the Browns.

Ashley was staying there to support her dad and mom.

Her dad.

He was the most broken man among us. Afterall he lost everything he held dear to him. Though she was the girl I love but she was his daughter and no husband or lover can understand a pain of a father who lost his wife and his daughter.

The car haulted to a stop and everyone got down of the car. I put on my dark shades to prevent anyone from seeing my puffy eyes.

Suddenly the air around us started to feel gloomy and thick. It was like the nature too grieved at the loss of a beautiful soul. Every breath I took in felt heavy.

I followed dad and Marie directly to the back lawn of the Brown's.

Alison wanted a small funeral where only her loved ones should be present, one's that actually wanted to say their goodbyes.

The yard where there was a 6ft deep hole dug was surrounded by people sniffing and crying and some just looking in the space.

Ashley's mom stood at one corner with a crying Ashley in her arms while Mr.Brown stood near his wife's grave looking at her tombstone with his hands in his pockets. A little further Emily stood beside Drake whose arm was wrapped around her waist as she silently sobbed on his chest. Aiden stood behind of them all with his back turned towards Alison's casket that lay in the middle of all. Jake was standing in the shadow beneath a tree, probably crying and Marie cried in my dad's arm.

Me? I just stood there standing in one corner looking at the tombstone.

Here lies,
Alison Every Brown

Daughter - Friend - Sister

15th April 1991 - 24th March 2018

"Always believe in love"

That's always what she did. Believed in love even if that love broke her heart. I will never forgive myself for breaking her heart and not even telling her how I feel for her. I will live my life with a space left in my heart that belongs to her and only her.