Like Night and Day

Collisions

Not a day since second year had Kyungsoo never thought of the words "I want to die" at least once between dawn and dusk. It was always in the back of his mind, sometimes dangerously hanging from the tip of his tongue, threatening to wedge its ugly presence in the form of a verbal cry. Mild depression was such a common occurrence that he eventually learned how to weather through the seasonal storms.

But they'd never go away, and unlike those who suffered from their demons with no idea as to where they came from, Kyungsoo was another matter. He knew exactly why he felt like so and what was the cause, but the problem was he had no power to stop it.

Kyungsoo knew he'd been lost since the start of high school. With no direction on where to head, he fell back to listening to his parents' every demand, wish, and whim. Being that his father was a lawyer, he was expected to follow in his footsteps. As a hard man who was often distant even with his own family, there was a lack of consideration for Kyungsoo's own thoughts and feelings on the matter. Previously, they had fought so much over the future, that eventually, Kyungsoo gave up. If he couldn't have the future, then he'd have the present.

Having no love for Law but with the acceptance of striding towards a future on the matter, it always felt like a burden, and that was the cause of it all. Pressure to be who he wasn't, expectations to achieve goals that weren't his, and the lacking ability to make a decision of what he wanted for himself.

In essence, he had no control over his own life, and though he wanted to take it all for himself, he didn't know how or which direction to turn to. It was both easier to listen to the vision of others and walk in sad reluctance down the path predestined.

This lacking of control, his therapist once suggested, could be the explanation for his compulsive need to always have the upperhand in situations he deemed conquerable. It pertained to his love for Baekhyun, and the ego-driven pride in being head of student council. It all had to do with power that replaced the lack thereof within his private life.

But the darkness that encroached him was beginning to disperse, slowly like the ceasing tide, and it had all to do with Jongin.

Though still bitter and (goddamn) pissed about the situation, he had grown accustomed to the male's silent presence in the boxing room. Despite the fact that he could easily change over to a different gym, Kyungsoo kept his regular visits, something Jongin had nothing negative to say towards.

Their relationship was jagged, but oddly intact. Words were rare except for the casual and brief advice on how to strike the bag. On most evenings when they'd see one another, Jongin would leave early to go work. Other times, it was Kyungsoo who left first. Only on one occasion did they ever stop at the same time to announce a haste truce to leave together.

-

-

They walked to the bath house one particular night. Jongin had a shift and the place was something Kyungsoo passed many times on his own way home. The street lights were beginning to flicker on with every minute passing and Kyungsoo fixed the cap on his head, giving the front a slight tug as to cover his face. His bag was carried properly on his back, one strap for each shoulder unlike Jongin who swung his strap across his chest.

Words rarely passed between them. The crickets filled the silence as well as the local night life that was beginning to emerge with the dying of the sun. Kyungsoo looked over and watched as Jongin kept his eyes straight ahead as though his existence was nothing but the mere passing of a light breeze. Noticeable, but not enough to boggle one's conscious awareness.

It was a miracle, however. Progress, if anything.

Kyungsoo couldn't decide whether it was progress or another descending step to the bottom. Baekhyun was gone, and he knew that it was lonely to be by himself. With Jongin just inches from him, it was a wonder how they hadn't been arguing for some time at all.