esoteric ↯ dean winchester x reader

xlv.

Dean turns to give Sam his hand to help him up from the floor. Sam's face is bruised from Deans earlier punches.

"You okay?" Dean asks.

"I'll live." Sam shakes it off.

"What about you?" Dean turns to ask you, not making a move to touch you.

"Better now that Death isn't getting into the human trafficking business." You said, looking at the pile of ashes, "You?"

"Fantastic." Dean shrugged, following where your eyes were, "I think I just killed death."

"Thank you?" You said, not really knowing how you were supposed to react to this. Its not everyday that happens.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"I-I don't know." Dean swallowed, dropping the scythe.

"Well let's get out of here. I'm sure Reapers will be on our ass in a minute." Sam said. And you all agreed, going to work to clean up and make sure there was no sign you had ever been there.

"Can I talk to you?" You asked. Not being able to hold it in anymore after a long silence, you were cleaning the ashes as Dean packed up the food he made. Sam was outside putting Dean's stuff in the Impala again.

"What about?" Dean tried to keep his eyes on his task and away from you.

"Us." You motioned between yourself. Looking up from your place on the floor. He didn't say anything at first, so you shook it off. Getting up and walking with purpose to throw away Death's ashes, "You're right, not the right time. Sorry."

"No, it's just uh-" Dean struggled to be honest, "(Y/N), listen. I really, really like you. There's something about me that makes me want to be the best man I can, but this thing on my arm-"

"I get it. It's okay, I'm a big girl you can be honest with me, Dean." You said, finally looking at his eyes. "You know I don't need you sugar coating things all the time."

"I know you don't-" Dean said but as bad as you wanted to hear the truth, you really, really didn't.

"I'm not sure you do," you stopped him from saying what you didn't want, "I can't be treated like a baby and have people tip-toe around my feelings. So if you don't like me, thats fine. You can't protect everyone, Dean-"

"That's not what I'm saying-" Dean tried again.

"I just know that if we're together, we're together. I can't be somewhere in the middle anymore, okay? It- you drive me crazy! I don't know if I should be your friend or hit on you, okay? Its been fun, having fun with you on the weekends and cuddling when your home, but I don't know what you want from me-" you started rambling.

"And you don't think I feel the same?!" Dean yelled over you to finally get your attention, "(Y/N), I had one rule about dating. 'Don't.' I mean, I always have told Sammy, getting other people involved in the line of work- is- is stupid and selfish. Yet here you are. And I can't tell if I'm a dick because I keep letting you get mixed up in all this."

"Dean, I want to be here. I want to have a purpose for something, I was born for that, I guess." You answered, "Everyone who's here for you is here because they love you, including me. You're only a dick if I'm not here for a reason."