If My Memory Serves Me Right

Chapter 31

CASSY'S POV:

Three weeks had past since the Emily's Army show. Everything was great. School, friends, Ryan, my family, just everything was great, but today wasn't. I woke up and automatically recognized the day; it was the anniversary of my mom's death. I groaned and pulled my covers higher above my head. I shuffled around in my comforter, looking for my headphones in darkness. When I found them, I shoved them in my ears, turning my music up to full. I let the sound of Fall Out Boy help drown out my misery.

There was a knock at my door, almost incoherent over my music. I didn't really want to talk to anyone today. The foot of my bed lowered, signaling whoever had knocked on the door had let themselves in.

A hand touched my leg and a voice spoke, "Hey kiddo," It was Billie, "I know you're up and I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now but I'd love it if you'd just popped your head out of the covers for a few minutes so we can talk."

I contemplated staying in and pretending I was actually asleep but decided against it. I slowly lowered the covers from my face. Billie looked at me, giving me a small knowing smile as to say, 'I knew you were up'. "So what gave me away?" I asked in a small voice.

"You have your music on really loud, Cassy," He said.

I looked down at my headphones and said, "Sound blocking my ass."

Billie smiled at me. "So how are you feeling?" He asked.

"I've been better," I admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it? It's been a year and since the funeral you haven't said much about her."

"That's because I don't need to. I buried my feelings the day we buried her. Sure I have those days where I miss her. I still cry sometimes, but I think that's pretty normal. I just have to remind myself what's around me and she would want me to be happy."

"I'm so proud of you, you know that right? She would be too. I just want to make sure you're okay," Billie said.

"I'm fine, today is just kind of a slap in the face to be honest. Sorry if I get a little bipolar."

"Hey, it's okay whatever you need." Billie scuffled closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled with my face pressed into his shoulder as a single tear fell down my face. I put on a brave face and while part of me was okay, the other part of me wanted to breakdown.

Billie broke the hug and said, "Just let me know if you need anything."

I nodded as he got up and began walking towards the door. "Dad?" I called. Billie spun around and gave me a quizzical look. "Can, um, can we go visit her grave?" I asked.

"Of course we can. Do you want to go now?" He asked.

"Yes please, give me a few minute to get dressed."

"Alright, I will be in the music room when you're ready," he said and with that, he shut my door.

I slowly got out of bed. It was the end of April so I was able to put on jeans and a long sleeved purple shirt and be perfectly comfortable. I brushed out my hair which was straight from the day before so I didn't bother doing anything to it. I put on my waterproof make up, just in case. Within 15 minutes I was ready to go.

I grabbed my phone and a jacket and walked to the music room. As I was about to knock I head the familiar tune of Wake Me Up When September Ends playing. I held back my tears. I stood outside the door for a moment, just listening. It was then that I realized just how much my mom's death had affected not only me, but Billie too. I opened the door and Billie stopped playing.