distract him; phan + troyler

chapter 2

dan's pov

i wake up in someone's arms, which isn't rare. i wake up in troye's arms all the time. but these are different, they're stronger and they are wrapped all the way around me. i'm curled up in their lap, with my head resting in the crook of their neck. it's warm and comfortable, and i want to stay here forever. i feel safe, and loved. my whole body is enveloped in an amazing tingling feeling, a buzz runs through my blood like i've consumed excessive amounts of caffeine.

i love the feeling.

but then i remember i have a boyfriend, and i don't even know who this is. i turn slightly to face them. their warm breath gently caresses my cheek, triggering a rosy blush. i stare at his plump pink lips, slightly chapped with small tears where he's been biting his lip.

i don't know why, but i want to reach out and touch them. i know it sounds like i'm insane, but i want to know why they're so cracked. what caused him to be anxious enough to bite through his lip? i push the thoughts out of my mind and focus on the pale, lilac shade colouring his eyelids. they're so pretty, resting above such sharp cheekbones. his whole face is a literal masterpiece.

his porcelain face is decorated with jet black strands of hair, sprawled messily across his forehead. it forms wispy patterns, similar to the swirled pattern on the comforter we're laying on. he yawns suddenly, and it's so little and soft. when i yawn i look like a dying whale gasping for air. but he looks like a little lion cub trying to copy its parents, attempting to look intimidating but failing.

i smile at him and he gives me a very shocked look. his eyes are open wide, revealing the bluest eyes i've ever seen. i had thought troye's blue eyes were the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen, similar to the colour of an ocean on a tropical beach. but this guy's eyes are gorgeous.

they remind me of the way a bath bomb looks right after its dropped in a bathtub. they're so shiny and peaceful. the bright blue colour is decorated with small green flecks,and swirls of gold surround his pupil.

he's so beautiful.

but i can't think of his name, and i don't remember how i ended up in his arms. it's not due to alcohol. although i do taste it on my breath, i can tell i didn't get drunk. there's no headache, and i don't feel like vomiting. i do feel like questioning him however.

"why are we laying in a bed together?" i ask. "wait did we sleep together?" i doubted it. my bum wasn't sore and i could never betray troye like that.

the boy's face flushes, "no of course not," he clears his throat, then flinches as if he's recalling an unpleasant memory. most likely his memory of the night before, probably something awful that i've repressed already.

he pauses for a bit before quietly saying, "are you going to hurt me?"

where did that come from?

oh.

now i remember. the mental wall shielding me from the memories of the party yesterday crumble. i remember all that happened with phil. the previous night comes flooding in and replays in my mind. it's hazy, but i can still recall how vulnerable i was. i recall letting the pain inside of me bleed through the cracks of my shattered soul. the demon in my mind seeped into his, showing my desperate need to be loved, my longing for affection.

and all i did was cry.

i see my mistake. i shouldn't have trusted him, he'll tell everyone. my reputation will fly out the window, leaving me without friends, without troye, without anything. the mask i wear is the only thing keeping me going. i devote my hours into creating this character, and it distracts me from everything else.