Like Night and Day

Fifty-Fifty

Depression was a monster that hid in the darkest corner of his mind, and no matter how hard Kyungsoo kept himself busy with mindless tasks for the purpose of distracting himself, it was present like a tumor; it had its own life. On occasions when he'd slipped into that dark state, he'd feel as though he was drowning underwater, but never having Death around to relieve him or have the ability to rise above the surface. It was like being doused in gasoline and set ablaze, but the pain would never cease and death would never come.

There was medicine to relieve the illness, but Kyungsoo knew he hadn't reached the point where he wanted to feel nothing at all just yet.

Clutching onto his neck, Kyungsoo ripped the black tie that hung around him. It was beginning to feel like a goddamn noose.

The cold night air hit his face, cooling the warm tears he had neglected to wipe. His back turned away from campus as he stepped outside the back gates.

The streets were empty. Running both of his hands through his hair, Kyungsoo took in a gasp of air before exhaling raggedly. His strides down the dark, dimly lit streets were quick, wanting the buildings to be far from his sight.

It wasn't long before he came to a stop at an unfamiliar street corner. Deeming that he was far enough from the school grounds, he stuck his hand in the pocket within his jacket, taking out a pack of cigarettes. It was half empty, making him laugh in bitter fashion. He was burning one stick after the other. Death was wrapping its arms around him, and he was embracing it like a goddamn fool.

Ignoring his better conscience and giving fuel to his inner demons, Kyungsoo snatched the lighter within his back pocket and set the end of the stick on fire. He inhaled, relishing in the sensation of his burning lungs, exhaling only when they began to desperately crave for oxygen. After his initial puff, Kyungsoo took three more inhales, all consecutively one after the other with nothing more than a minute interval between each indulgence.

Different forms of comfort surrounded him, but he chose to dance with his black habit. It was a sedative, numbing him of from stress and keeping him alive. To be in love with something that was virtually killing him was a business he knew he should've diverged from long ago, but who was he to admit such a thing when he couldn't even remove Baekhyun from his life?

He was crushing the cigarette stick unconsciously. Upon realizing, he lessened his grip. In the distance, he spotted a concrete bench and made a his way toward it.

With every step, he left a trail of burning thoughts. In the short time for three years, he had watched the world bleach itself of color. His parents had loved, fought, and divorced within that matter of time. Baekhyun came, struggled, and left. And as they all died in his world, they took his hopes and dreams with them, leaving him with nothing but dispassion for everything.

Sitting harshly down on the bench, he threw his head back, cursing. The sky and the stars were the only things that remained the same no matter where life took him. Despite its dark and void existence, it was a symbol of hope. Maybe outside his life and out from the his world of constant struggle and loneliness, something else awaited him.

Under the secrecy of darkness, by every nightfall, Kyungsoo silently promised himself that if the opportunity to leave the cage that kept him presented itself, he would abandon his home, his life just as the others had done unto him.

A flash of light from afar blinded him from the corner of his eyes. Squinting, Kyungsoo hid the cigarette as he held a free hand to cover himself from the piercing light of what sounded like a scooter vehicle. Without a word, he anticipated the individual to pass by quickly, but realized the man did not intend to speed faster. Instead, he slowed down.