blue ✓

twenty one

lola

I ran into the bathroom with an awful stomach wrenching feeling, guilt consuming every fibre of my body as flashbacks ran through my mind. I felt disgusted, I was disgusting. I slam the door behind me, tears streaming down my face with agony in each droplet. I screamed, screaming for this pain to go away and for life to just let me love again. I wanted to be free and I wanted to love him, his emerald eyes and chestnut hair, the way he paints his dreams and curls his soul around each and every stroke of the brush.

My breath was heavy, chest rising up and down rapidly. I lock the door, ignoring those voices just outside the frame.

As I walk to the mirror, the cold tiles seeping into the skin under my feet, I feel heavy and every pump of my heart made me ache just a little bit more. I look into the reflection of the mirror in front of me, not recognising the girl standing before me. That bruise on my cheek red, the purple and blue swirling around; almost like his art. I run my fingertips over the blemish, my red cheeks stinging as I begin to sob heavily.

I stared at myself, the ghost of a girl with her heart too big and dreams too bright. I look into those familiar soft blue eyes that always reminded me of my mother, the glassy orbs dimming with each sob escaping my mouth.

***

friday night - fifteen hours before

"Are you ready?" Harry asks, looking down at me with a glimmer in his green eyes. I nod, smiling at the beautiful boy as I entwine our fingers.

We walk up the stairs of the grand home, the white panelling and large windows catching my eye for a brief second. The front porch smelt of lavender and roses, the surrounding garden creating a beautiful atmosphere. As we neared the door my ears hear the sound of distant music, voices lacing through the tune. Harry glances at me one more time before opening the door, guiding me through.

A smell of smoke and liquor overwhelms my senses, a few people rushing past as Harry closes the door behind us. He attends to me with a charming smile, offering to take the denim jacket off my shoulders, his warm fingertips ghosting my exposed skin. I smile as I noticed Richard walking down the staircase ahead of us, a young blonde following closely to his shadow.

"Well, well, well, hello Harry and Lola." He greets with that awkward grin of his.

Harry shakes his hand firmly, laughing as they whisper something to each other. "Come with me," Richard speaks before gesturing with his index finger to follow him, leading us to another part of the home.

"Who's that?" I question to Harry before we gaze upon the busty blonde following closely to Richard.

Harry shrugs. "Not sure, think her name is Megan."

I roll my eyes but say nothing else.

Richard welcomes us into the living space with a cocky grin, wrapping his arm around the girl we assumed was Megan. I smile politely at her as Harry tugs me past, holding my hand tightly as he greets the rest of his friends with a loud voice, his normally quiet and alluring demeanour had become quite different since we arrived.

"Guys, you know Lola," Harry's head turns to me for a second, a rather proud smile on his lips. "And you obviously know Ethan and Sean, and Z."

"Hello." I squeak, nerves biting at my skin.

"And this is Sierra." Harry points to a brunette leaning against Ethan, the two look at me with anxiety behind their eyes, I question the behaviour in my mind but choose not to say anything to Harry as we take a seat. As the minutes ticked by I grew more curious by the two, I hadn't communicated with them much so it was obvious my anxieties were getting the best of me in this situation, but their glances of worry made my mind tick.