beyond the monotonous city

thirty four

TW: angst

When she got home that night, that was the first time she had a nightmare about Camila blacking out.

It happened the next morning as well, though in a much tamer form. She woke up crying, gripping her sheets. She spent around half an hour to calm herself and remind herself that it was merely a nightmare.

She tried to distract herself from the fact that that day was Camila's last day in school. But it was impossible to. She let her mom drive her to school as she watched the houses in their suburbia disappear and eventually made its way to their school.

She dazed through class, until lunch came and she saw Camila sitting already there with Shawn and Ariana. Camila looked brighter than she did at the hospital, looking less paler. If Lauren didn't know, she would have thought she was fine.

Camila looked up at her, amusement etched on her face. "Lauren you look like you've seen a ghost. Well at least I'm not yet." Camila giggled as Lauren just watched her joke about her near death sullenly.

She sat next to Camila and Lauren wished she had the decency to listen and pay attention to what Camila was actually saying instead of thinking every two seconds that this was the last time she would ever see and be with Camila in school. Instead of listening to the story the girl was animatedly retelling, she was watching her carefully as if she would disappear into thin air if she averted her gaze at the slightest bit.

Dinah came a bit later and joined in on the conversation. Everyone was but Lauren. Nobody bothered her or asked her to join in the conversation. She suddenly wished she didn't smoke all the cigarettes in her attempts to forget because at that moment, all she wanted was to savor and remember the moment.

When the bell rung, the PA sounded that they were all to assemble in their gymnasium. Lauren knew the school cut its activities just for Camila. She was that special. She was that girl.

They all stood up and walked. Camila was still so animatedly talking to Ariana and Shawn as Dinah fell back and paced with Lauren. "You alright in there, Laur?"

"I just-can't believe it's her last-" Laure's voice disappeared as she struggled to form the sentence. Dinah put an arm around her as they made their way in the gymnasium.

The entire high school soon filed inside the gymnasium until both sides of the bleachers were filled. Lauren turned to see Ariana gone, leaving Shawn beside Camila, who were conversing. The entire gymnasium seemed to be excited, to be buzzing, except for Lauren who now felt the weight of everything she carried and ever felt, to be more greater.

Their school principal, a middle aged man, walked up to the podium and cleared his throat. "Good afternoon. I called you all here this afternoon to come and celebrate the achievements of one member of our beloved community. I'm sure you all know who she is."

Lauren looked down at her hands. Camila turned to her, in mock confusion. "I wonder who she is."

Their principal read out something but Lauren tuned out of it. The cheer team appeared on the gymnasium floor to perform a routine but Lauren couldn't focus on them.

Seeing the words with Camila's name on them, the people cheering her on, the girl beside her who had the widest grin on her face. Lauren felt a rage of emotions. She wanted to slap the stupid grin off her face. They were saying goodbye to her, and she was acting like that? Lauren felt breath hitch at her throat and she muttered excuse me real quick as she stood up and walked out of the gymnasium.

She thought when she would get out, her feet would crumble and she would be on her knees sobbing but she didn't. She kept walking until her feet took her home. She made her way upstairs and covered her face with her pillow, trying to drown out all the noise just so she could be alone in her head again for once.