The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl

Day 7

He didn't fall asleep. He watched my story. The snaps I added after he had said goodnight. Why did he always watch? What was he expecting to find? At the same time I wanted him to watch. I wanted him to see what he had.

Is that wrong of me?

I woke up to a "gm" snap.

Sent one back.

School was a roller coaster. During 2nd period I remembered how I had left for London the same time last year and how when I came back I went to see him play soccer and had a great day.

It made me confused on what had changed.

As soon as lunch came the knot in my stomach grew. I was going to give him back his sweater.

I went my usual route to his locker at that time-- at least, for the last time. I waved hello as he turned around and saw me and I told him I had his sweater. I asked if he wanted to put it in his locker since he seemed to be walking to lunch. He agreed and we walked towards it. I gave him the sweater. He said he'd see me at lunch and I left. I walked to lunch alone. I sat alone for a little as the people from our table slowly made their way. Then he made his. It was just us and as soon as he sat down he asked me something.

I guess you could say we just made small talk a bit.

It seemed okay. His friends still seemed to like me and okay with me enough to have conversations. I still felt odd because none of the people at that table were people I normally talked to. Not anymore. I didn't know where to go if I left so I stayed.

Tomorrow shall be different. I wasn't staying in the cafeteria.

He told me he'd text me when the bus was coming for our polo game.

He never did.

I felt happy once our game was over. Even though we had lost, I had played the whole game and had been happy to try my best. To have the support of my team.

He high fives me afterwards. He high fived everyone.

I grabbed my things and before I went into the locker room I came up behind him, grabbed his arm, squeezed it and said "good luck."

He said thanks as I walked off.

I had wanted to root for our boys but my girls kept me happy with talk about all things.

I was fine. I am fine.

I got home showered and came out to lots of snaps. One of them his. Curious as to what it was, I opened it.

"You did great today," with thumbs up emojis.

You too I sent back.

Oddly enough he responded pretty well and seemed to want to talk to me. We made random conversation and laughed a lot.

I found some notes he had left in my locker last year as I looked for my song book. I laughed and sent them to him.

Even after that it still seemed fine.

Eventually he said goodnight and so did I.

I'm happy and I'm going to be just fine.