Accidental Baby

Chapter Twenty Six

ANAIS

I stayed in the tub for over an hour. My phone had been buzzing and ringing nonstop and all I could do was stare at it. There was nothing but silence and the droplets of water dripping from the faucet to the tub. I didn't know how to tell Dad or Coco or anyone...

I wished I could just sink my head in the water and disappear. I tried to recall all the things I could remember from last night. All I ended up with were small, blurry, jumpy flashbacks. I was taken to this cheap looking inn. I was carried and laid in bed. I was stripped off until I was naked. I remember being touched in all the places I only allowed Coco to touch. I remember him kissing me in between my thighs and I was moaning. What really made me cry hard was when I undressed earlier and saw dried semen smeared on me, on my tummy and private part. My womanhood was still sore from what happened last night as I hadn't been with anyone since I gave birth. I dipped my head into the water and stayed there for awhile before coming up and sucking in air in my deprived lungs. 

Ano itong ginawa ko? Bakit? Bakit? Bakit?! Why did I let him do that? Why was I moaning? Did I want it? There were so many questions in my head. I felt like I was going to go crazy. I swear I didn't drink any liquor last night. It was just orange juice. He must've put something in there when I wasn't looking.

Tears fell from my eyes. Paano ako haharap sa anak ko nito? Would he be able to tell that Mommy slept with another man? I felt so cheap and dirty. When I felt like I'd let out all my tears, I got out of the tub and dried myself. I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. I was afraid of what I'd see in there. Nagbihis ako at tumawid ako papunta sa bintana.

Coco's window was unlocked so I was able to smoothly slip in. Coco was in bed and he had his arms around our Cookie. They were both sleeping soundly. I could feel another batch of tears ready to come out. I took in a deep breath, trying to keep the waters at bay. I bent down, nagdadalawang-isip ako kung hahalikan ko ba si Cookie, who knew what this mouth did last night. I pressed a gentle kiss on my son anyway. I walked around Coco's side of the bed and slipped next to him. I wrapped one arm on his hips and kissed him on the shoulder. I leaned my head against his back and tears stung my eyes. I began to cry until I was sobbing. Naramdaman kong gumalaw siya.

"Anais?" He turned to face me and I was suddenly in his arms. "What happened? Ano yung sinasabi mo kanina? And where the hell have you been?"

"May nangyari sa amin ni Steve." I was sure he had a hard time understanding what I was saying from all the sobbing.

"What... what happened?" He kissed me on the forehead. "Tell me everything. What did he do to you?"

"I don't know..." Sunod sunod akong umiling. "I can't remember."

"Why?"

"Hindi ko alam. Basta nahilo na lang ako. He dragged me to his car and everything was a blur after that."

He shut his eyes and his jaw clenched. "He spiked your drink with something. And I even fucking tried to play cupid between you and him. I'm going to kill him!"

"I'm sorry, Coco. I should've listened when you told me to stay away from him." I buried my face into his chest and cried. My whole body shook. I tried not to cry too loud because I didn't want to wake Cookie up. "I feel disgusting..."

"You didn't enjoy it?" 

I stopped crying and look up at him. "N-NO!"

"It's not like I forced myself on you..." He quietly said and then his eyes widened. "Wait, did I?"

"What?" 

"You pulled me when I was undressing you and I thought you wanted to... Fuck. Tell me I didn't..." He exhaled like he was breathing all his soul out. "Anais! Did I or did I not force myself on you? You wanted it, didn't you? Damn it! Say something..."