one shots [ ᴷᵀᴴ ⁺ ᴶᴶᴷ ]

struggles

also posted on vkook amino and jungkook fanbase amino, and i'm posting it here too bc why not...it's a vkook one shot after all

TRIGGER WARNING
+ this will include mentions of triggering content, if you get triggered by self harm and/or suicide, then do NOT read this.

—

"why can't you ever do anything right?"

that was a question that echoed in his head nowadays, it was a sentence that also told him that he wasn't good enough - in anything he did. during dance practice, while recording a song, after an interview, during photo shoots or mv shoots. he was never doing anything right according to the people around him.

the other members disliked when everyone was saying such negative things to him, but what could they do? they had talked to the staff and other people working with them, but it didn't help at all.

taehyung was starting the feel extremely sad all the time, he barely had any energy. his smile was forced and he felt like dying whenever he was dancing; because he was exhausted. all because of people indirectly telling him he wasn't good enough, he was feeling bad. bad because he couldn't do anything correctly. faking a smile and faking his happiness was exhausting, crying every night was exhausting, forcing himself to eat something was also exhausting. because he never felt hunger anymore, and he was losing a lot of weight because of that. he hated when he had to force himself to eat, because he always felt like throwing up instead.

the members had asked him: "taehyung, have you eaten?" "taehyung, have you slept well?" "did you rest?" "are you okay?" all the boy had replied with was lies, because he didn't want to worry his best friends; brothers. except for the staff giving him negativity, people on social media was also starting to throw negativity at him.

taehyung shouldn't be in BTS, he can't even sing.

taehyung is just in BTS to fill up the empty space.

he can't even dance, nor can he sing.

why don't they just kick him out of the group already?

you do know that killing yourself would make everything so much easier for everyone, right?

these type of comments had been said for the past year, and it was all really starting to hit him. maybe he should leave the group? and maybe he should leave completely?

a few months ago, jungkook had taken taehyung to the doctor, since he had been really worried of his (secret) boyfriend's health. that day, taehyung was diagnosed with depression. the other members had got to know about it, but taehyung didn't want to tell anyone else, he didn't want attention. secretly, taehyung's depression had led to bad habits, such as hurting himself. and no, not cutting, there are way more ways of self harming than just cutting.

he accidentally hit himself, tripped, hit his arm or hand against something; the pain he felt in that short moment helped him forget all the negativity the people around him were giving him.

taehyung could talk to all the members about his thoughts and feelings, but he was closest to jungkook, the two had secretly been together for the last two years and the other members got to know last year; the staff didn't know anything yet. and probably never would, taehyung refused to tell anything to the people who seemed to really dislike him.

one night, jungkook had noticed the bruises on taehyung's body. and even though he knew taehyung was a clumsy person, all those bruises couldn't be from being clumsy. so, one night he decided to ask his boyfriend what was really going on.

it was a tuesday night when taehyung was sat in the dorm's small living room. he was tired, but didn't want to sleep. because whenever he tried to sleep, bad things appeared in his head which only led to him doing things he'd regret the day after.

jungkook entered the room and saw the blank expression taehyung had on his face. the older seemed off, and it wasn't a surprise anymore. "taetae-hyung?" the mention of his name made the older look at jungkook, and a small smile made its way to his lips; real or not. "hi kookie," he said. the younger sighed before walking over to him and taking a seat next to him on the couch. "during dance practice today, i uhm..." he stopped, and looked up at the older. "you what?"

"i-i saw that you had a lot of uhm, bruises, practically everywhere on your body," the younger' voice was slightly shaking, was he nervous or scared? he didn't know himself. "are you doing those yourself, taehyung?" the question made taehyung's breath hitch a bit, had jungkook noticed?

"j-jungkook, it's nothing," the older lied. "i'm fine, it's nothing serious-" "taehyung, i asked you a yes or no question," jungkook interrupted, turning his body so that he was fully facing taehyung. "are you hurting yourself, taehyung?"

hearing the question like that made taehyung speechless. it sounded horrible, he hadn't thought of it as him hurting himself. he knew he did, but he hadn't realised it. and without noticing, a few tears managed to escape through his eyes as he blinked. jungkook was quick to wipe them away with his thumb.

"why are you doing this to yourself?" the younger asked in a low voice, barely above a whisper, holding taehyung's hand while wiping the elder's tears away. "i am never enough, jungkook," taehyung said. "i will never be enough, doing this makes me forget all the negativity i have in my life," tears were falling and taehyung's voice was becoming slightly shaky.

"i-i hate myself, jungkook," the words were nothing more than whispers, and then, taehyung completely broke down. he hadn't realised that it would hit him this hard, jungkook had found out what he was doing to himself and now he felt bad. "i hate myself so much," jungkook wrapped his arms around the older tightly, his heart ached when he heard what taehyung was saying about himself.

"we will make it through this, okay? why haven't you talked to us instead of doing this to yourself?" jungkook whispered calmly, still hugging the older who was resting his forehead on jungkook's shoulder, tears still falling.

"i didn't want to worry you," taehyung mumbled shakily, sniffling. "i'm such a waste of space, aren't i?" taehyung looked up. "i shouldn't be here, no one likes me, i am worthless, i-" jungkook made the older shut up by pressing his lips against taehyung's, the kiss was short but meaningful. "shut the hell up," jungkook said, resting his forehead against taehyung's.

"you are not worthless, taehyung, i love you and we all do," a sigh left the younger's lips before he continued. "i have been scared of losing you for so long, i've been so worried, i haven't been able to sleep, you're on my mind all the time," jungkook didn't want to cry, but whenever someone else was crying and having a hard time, he couldn't help but cry too.

"can...can you promise me you'll try to stop?" jungkook then asked, a tear rolling down his chee. "i don't want you to be hurt, and especially not by yourself."

"i can try," taehyung whispered. "i'm sorry, i love you too."

—

i hope it wasn't too sad. i honestly love reading sad things and i do enjoy writing them, i hope it was okay.