Breathless • Malec

xx. Alec

Hi, guys! Sorry yet again for the long wait, but school has been basically taking over my life. I hope you enjoy the update, and please leave feedback! Also, thanks to @MellarkLegacy for the new cover!

XX. ALEC

I woke up.

You know how when you wake up, you have this split second, it's like a moment lost in time? Where nothing is really real? You wake up without remembering anything.

That moment was the best part of my days.

It had been about a week since Magnus and I had broken up. Or at least I thought it had been. Now, the days seemed to pass by slow and sticky. I spent three days in the apartment, not willing to move. Eventually, Jace had convinced me to at least go see my professors and get make-up work.

The excursion had lasted only an hour, and I felt even more drained than before. Yes, I knew it was cliche, but I had spent the next few days staring at the ceiling listening to breakup playlists on Spotify.

Pathetic. Believe me, I know.

I would stare at my phone for hours, my thumb hovering over Magnus's contact. I constantly debated over whether or not to call. Even if I did end up finding the nerve to call him, I doubted he would answer.

Magnus hadn't posted anything in the past seven days, on any social media, which was extremely odd. Magnus was basically addicted to them. He posted on instagram at least once a day, always updating on how cool and exciting his life was.

Magnus had posted a few pictures of us doing couple-y things. Every time that I refreshed his page, my heart would race, wondering if the pictures would still be there in the end.

The pictures were still up, but I didn't quite know how to feel about that.

I groaned, bashing my head into the pillow for what must've been the 50th time, just today. At only 11 o'clock, too.

"Alec?" Clary called from the other side of the doorway. "You alright in there?"

I gave a loud groan in response, burying my face deeper.

"Alec," she said, sounding exasperated. "I know you're sad, but really?" I head her lean against the door. "It's been over a week. Maybe it's time to move on."

"Wow," I mumbled sarcastically, not loud enough for her to hear. "Moving on. If only I had thought about that option earlier."

But really, was there any moving on from someone like Magnus? He came into my life so quickly and abruptly, then just left. He made me into a different person, someone that I actually liked, and God, it had been so long since I had ever liked myself.

But more than that, more than anything, only one thing mattered. No matter how hard I could try, Magnus would always overtake it. I had never really viewed relationships as anything but fickle, but nothing could ever be stronger than the love I felt for Magnus.

And it hurt. It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced. More than the time Jace had accidentally pushed me out of a tree, shattering my arm and my leg. This time, I was sure that my heart had shattered into more pieces than that.

"Alec," Clary said for the third time. "I have a room key from Jace. If you don't let me in, then I'll just come in. There really isn't a way that you can get out of this."

I sighed, sitting up slowly. "I'm coming," I grumbled, striding across the room and unlocking the door. The light from the hallway hurt my eyes.

The hideous yellow blouse that Clary was wearing hurt, too.

"Fairchild," I greeted, running my hands through my hair, at least trying a little bit to tame it. Looking down, I realized that with my stained sweatpants and ratty sweatshirt, there was no way I could even come close to looking presentable.

"Jesus," she gaped, looking me up and down. "Jace was not kidding when he said that this was worse than a girl in a chick flick."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I glared at her.

"I'm sorry," she said, pushing her way past me into the dorm. "Alec, sit," she said, patting the bed. "We have a lot to talk about."

I followed her orders, hoping that this would end quickly.

"What?" I asked, sitting criss-cross style on the blue comforter. She faced me, sitting on Jace's black and grey plaid one.

She smiled brightly, probably trying to cheer me up. "I've got some prospective dates for you-"

"Hold up," I said, raising a hand. "Nope. Not right now."

"Alec, no offense, but Magnus was your first relationship, and while those are always tough to get over, there are bigger and better things out there."

I raised an eyebrow and she threw a pillow at me, giggling. "I didn't mean it like that."

I smiled, for the first time in a while. "Clary, while I appreciate the gesture, Magnus was just more than my first." I hesitated. "It felt like he was my only."

She frowned, furrowing her eyebrows. "Alec," she said sadly. "Trust me, everyone thinks that. You'll find someone, someone better. I promise."

I didn't there could be anyone better than Magnus.

When Clary realized that I wasn't going to respond, she pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of a blond boy with thick glasses. I had to admit, he was very cute, but he wasn't Magnus.

And that was the problem.

"His name is Clarkson," she said, swiping through more pictures of him. "He's a few of my lecture halls and he thinks you're, and I quote, 'très attrayant'." She twisted a lock of red hair through her fingers. "That's French for 'very attractive'. That's what he's majoring in."

I pulled the phone out of her hands and studied the pictures closer. He looked like someone I'd be interested in, and I'd be lying if I said he wasn't hot, but it felt wrong to look at pictures of him.

"Clary," I sighed, handing the phone back to her. "I can't. It's too soon. I still love Magnus."

Fiddling her thumbs, she gave me a nervous grin. "Well, here's the problem. I already promised him a date with you."

"What?"

"It's tonight. He's paying for it," she said rapidly. "Look, even if you don't want to date him, you need to at least go. It'd be nice for you to make a new friend."

"Clary, I can't-"

"Alexander Lightwood," she demanded. "If you'll only ever do one thing for me, please, just let this be it. I think it would make you happier."

I thought about it for a minute. I knew the only way I would really be happy was if I had Magnus, but right now, that was a long shot. And I didn't want to disappoint Clary. I figured I could at least get some free food and then pretend like Jace was dying and needed me right away.

Yeah, that would work.

"Fine," I agreed. "Just one date. But nothing more, Fairchild. I am promising nothing more."

She bounced excitedly off the bed, hugging me. "He'll be here at 5, Alec. Look nice," she winked. "I think this could finally get you back into your normal self. Clarkson will be good for you."

I wasn't too sure about that. Well, actually, there was a zero percent chance that Clarkson would be good for me.

Because now that Magnus was gone, I wasn't even good for me.