to all the glowing eyes ✎ joshler

september 27

will;

i did not see the boy during class. maybe he skipped class. people always do that. i wish i had the guts to.

the whole thing made me a little sad.

but that's fine. it's the normal kind of sad, not "oh my god, do i wanna die" sad. there's a difference.

it feels so different. it's so..different. i don't think there's another word to describe it so accurately.

i can work with this sadness. i can look at pictures of puppies or think about him and it'll go away.

anyhow, life at home isn't great. my dad has been pretty..mad at something. i've no idea what it is or why he's mad at the thing. it's probably a thing from work. it's always work.

mom has started to notice it too i believe. she has been careful with her every move, even when we're alone and dad isn't home yet.

my mind obviously drifts to thoughts like divorce or something like that.

it doesn't help my case much. according to many research papers i've read at 3 am, divorce often messes up the kids emotionally and mentally. if they do end up getting divorced, i'd be on the edge all the time. anxiety levels would be through the roofs.

on a happier note, i think i just saw the boy walk in. he looks pretty tired. his friends must be telling each other jokes because he laughs at something they say.

his laugh is beautiful. it's not too deep like any other guy's, not too high like a girl's. it's..perfect.

holy crap.

do i...do i like him?

t.r.j.

„"„

the entry ends there and leaves josh confused. why did t.r.j. end like that?

if they were writing in class and had to stop midway, they wouldn't have signed their initials at the end.

the choice of words they used to describe this guy's laugh and personality as a whole, seems oddly reminiscent of someone who has a crush to him. if they're a girl, she's so cute; if they're a guy, he's the gayest guy i've..read about.

josh decides to not read the next until tomorrow. after all, it makes it feel like he's inside this person's mind and get the feeling of connection. "okay this is really messing me up,"he whispers to himself and puts the journal back in his backpack for the day.

{🌹💌🌹}

what even is this story anymore

one more week 'til finals, then 3 days of exams and then i'm free!!...if we're assuming i pass all my classes and final exams

rip me then haha

k bye

-alaska