Smile For Me, Ressler

31

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Brightest smile I've ever seen.

I was so exhausted I could hardly drag myself out of bed.

"Don't you want to stay here in the hospital for a few days? So we can monitor you," the oncologist said.

"Maybe next session, Doc. For now, I wanna go home first. I don't wanna stay here," I replied. She gave me a worried look.

"You might be able to drive yourself home after your chemotherapy session, but you might be more comfortable having someone drive you," she recommended.

Dra. Lagura is really nice. I'm really grateful for having her.

"I'll call someone to drive me home." I flashed her a genuine smile to not make her worry.

Alam ko, nag-aalala siya sa 'kin. Lalo na sa desisyon kong mag-undergo ng treatment without informing my husband about anything.

"Thanks for today, Doc," I said before leaving the room.

What she said was true. I think I can drive myself home, but it's much better if someone would have to do that for me so I called Zild and asked him to drive me home.

Wala pang 20 minutes, dumating na agad siya.

"You haven't told me your first session was today, sana nasamahan kita," nag-aalala niyang sabi. "But thanks for calling me to drive you home. I'm glad I can do that at least," he said, giving me a half smile.

I didn't say anything. I just handed him my car keys. I know he took a cab on his way here because I told him he'll be driving my car.

"Where did you leave your car?" I asked.

"I was already home when you called," he said, shrugging nonchalantly, trying to show off his right timing as always. I let out a small laugh.

"Eh 'di ikaw na," I teased him.

It's really good to have him around. Sure, things didn't work out between us as a couple, but our friendship became stronger.

I sincerely love him as a friend.

"You sure Ressler won't be home tonight?" he asked, his eyes are focused on the road.

"Yeah. He'll be staying at the orphanage tonight," kuwento ko sa kanya. He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Orphanage? Why—I mean, of all places, why would he go there?" he asked, totally clueless.

"We're adopting a child," I replied, looking through the window.

Good thing about Zild, kahit hindi ko ikuwento sa kanya ng buo, alam niya na agad. He can read me just like that.

He didn't ask more questions so I took a nap on our way.

I slowly opened my eyes when I felt Zild's hands removing my seat belt.

"We're here. Can you move? Do I have to carry you?" he asked, not knowing what to do.

I chuckled in a sleepy way. "I can walk," I assured him.

He went outside the car and turned to my side, opening the car door for me.

"Thanks," mahina kong sabi saka ako lumabas ng sasakyan.

I was about to open the gate when someone did it before I could.

I halted when he came out.

His forehead creased as he laid his eyes on Zild who was standing behind me.

"You didn't go with me to the orphanage because you were with him the whole day?" He scoffed in disbelief. "Did you guys have fun?"

Bakas sa boses niya ang inis at pagkadismaya.

"She's my wife, Zild. In case you forgot," his jaw clenched, glancing at Zild.

"Thanks for driving my wife home. You can go now," he added, trying to bring back the calmness in his voice.

"You should give him a ride," bigla kong sabi kaya napatingin ulit sa akin si Ressler.

He forced a laugh. "And why will I do that?"

"Because he left his car just to drive me home," I explained.

"Oh. How sweet of you, my dear cousin. Maybe I should really give you a ride," he said in a mocking way, tilting his head to Zild.

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks though."

I whirled around him and flashed him a smile. "Please let him drive you home. I wouldn't be comfortable letting you go home without a car at this hour. You did me a favor, so please let him drive you home at least," I said the last sentence in a lowest sound so that Ressler won't be able to hear it.

He let out a small sigh. "Alright."

Humarap ulit ako kay Ressler at binigyan siya ng tipid na ngiti.

"Thanks," I told him before leaving them outside.

Pagkapasok ko ng bahay, bumungad sa 'kin ang isang maliit na bata na mukhang nasa isang taon pa lang. Nakaupo siya sa loob ng crib habang nanonood ng Spongebob.

I stared at the kid for a moment and I realized how adorable he is when he turned his head to me and flashed me the brightest smile I've ever seen.

I put my bag on the table saka ako lumapit sa kanya.

"Come here, baby," nakangiting sabi ko saka ko siya binuhat. "You're so adorable," I said, slightly pinching his cheek.

Nang bigla akong makaramdam ng panghihina ay dahan-dahan ko siyang ibinalik sa crib niya.

"I wanna be a good mom for you, but I can't. I can't even hold you in my arms for a longer time because I am weak." I let out a sigh of pure sadness.

Umupo ako sa sofa and I stayed with him while waiting for Ressler.

Napapangiti ako sa tuwing natatawa siya kay Patrick kapag kasama niya si Spongebob.

This show was one of my favorite. I remember watching it with my brother, making me miss the good old times.

Nang marinig ko na ang sasakyan sa labas, tumayo na agad ako at kinuha ang bag ko para umakyat sa kuwarto.

Sa sobrang pagod na nararamdaman ko dahil sa chemo, hindi ko na nagawang maghilamos at magpalit ng damit kaya humiga na agad ako sa kama.

It was just my first session but I feel so exhausted already. Paano pa kaya sa mga susunod?

A tear escaped my eyes.

I really want to run to Ressler and hug him so tightly. I want to tell him how hard it is for me. The treatments, the job I have, and the way I push him away all the time. It's all hard for me. I just want to rest beside him all day.

But I can't do that.