A Misleading Compliment S/MB 2

hmph

surrounded by dozens of friends, yet feeling alone

feeling empty and alone

I've had so many people by my side through it all

and yet

i feel like i have no one?

do you guys feel like that too?

or am i alone in that as well?

I've dated 7 people in my 15 years on this "great" earth.

all but one has ended in endless pain and heartbreak

jenna, my first girlfriend and the one who made me realize i was actually bi in the first place. i still remember that late night in July, when we stayed up until almost 1, deciding our fate together. but, those few days were a lie. to you at least. but whatever. our second attempt together wasn't much better, but better none the less. but everything ended in tears anyway

jamie, my second girlfriend. so many memories and fun times with you, my silly English friend. in a way our love was forbidden, because of your horribly homophobic parents. but again love none the less. and eventually we were torn apart. by exactly what i can't remember, but i do remember how heartbroken i was that chilly December morning.

alex, oh sweet, innocent alex. my fourth girlfriend. we didn't spend much time together. just another heartbreak really

olivia. God where do i start with you, my fifth girlfriend. we met not long after i and Alex split. everything with you was absolutely perfect. the love you gave to me, such a sweet and caring girl. but one day, after almost 3 months, you left. and i haven't heard from you since. no explanation, no apology, just gone. i waited for months, just about 6 months actually, before i decided to truly move on. countless tears and pain, but this heartbreak was different from the rest. this is the relationship that didn't end with all the pain. the one good ending

sam, my second boyfriend, my first to actually be biologically male. when we met i had no idea id ever fall in love with you. but i did. i did truly love you sam. you meant the world and so much more to me. looking in my jewelry box, something I don't do often but still, pains me. because inside sits that cheap necklace i bought. then one i wanted to send to you. we would have each had a half. it would have been adorable, but you said no. we went through a lot. so much. pain, love, happiness, anger, fear. but in the end it was all for not when i threw it all away for yet another heartbreak. i cried for a long time. i hated myself, but i just didn't want to be left alone again like with olivia. i thought i was saving myself pain but i only caused myself more. just another heartbreak.

carter. i hate that i have to write this because I've been trying to forget. my crush on you developed quickly, and so did that one day relationship. that one, glorious day, that i barely looked at you. we didn't speak to each other that day. the first time i dated someone face to face and i didn't even talk to them. we split and things continued for a little, just flirting. and that dick pic you sent me. i didn't even want that. and i didn't want to send you nudes. which is why i didn't. but you kept asking. until i decided enough was enough and stopped talking to you. a week later you asked if you could grab my ass. after i told you i didn't wanna be used. why did you think that was okay? lots of tears at your expense. and now i dread half my classes, because of you. whatever.

this was my not so indirect indirect to all of you. especially people that i like, love, and date in the future. im broken, so please don't break me more. i know if you truly like me as much as you claim you won't but it's happened before. so, what do you say? will you be different? or will you just be another story in my book? the choice is yours.

you
know
who
you
are.
please,
don't
break
me
any
further

if this is all a game, tell me now and save me the tears.