The Stars Lie {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

More Than This

Chapter 48 –Claire's POV– More Than This

Claire stared at the man she was willing to die for and didn't recognize him at all. In every one of her fantasies and dreams, she had imagined this moment so differently – he would fit the pieces of her heart back together and make her whole again. It wasn't supposed to be this – chaos, pain and confusion.

They had paid such a high price and suffered so much – they deserved the happy-ending. But the promise of a happy reunion was stripped from her too...along with countless other moments she would never get back. She felt the familiar intimate violation of grief of yet another loss ripple through her, like a second heartbeat overlapping her first; sometimes raging war; other times, gently numbing her pain, stealing her cares away. She had spent more hours than she could count lost in its rhythmic beat.

Get it together! She chastised herself; she couldn't afford the luxury of wallowing in self-pity. Claire gathered every ounce of physical strength she had, and forced her feet in the direction of the bedroom. Blood saturated clothing in a jail full of vampires was a very bad idea; she needed to change. She bit her lip to keep from panting under the excruciating pain radiating in her arms at the slightest movement. Each step felt like a mile as she walked the ten feet toward the door.

Myrnin was at her side instantly, reaching out, but not touching her. "You are in no physical condition to leave. You need to sit down and wait for Theo," he urged her.

Claire gripped tightly to the fury that kept her sane and hissed, "Don't you dare presume you know what I need. If you did actually have a clue, we would not be having this conversation right now."

His mouth formed into a thin hard line as he drew back, but continued to walk with her step for step. Claire couldn't stop the whimper that released from her lips as the pain bit into her. He sucked in a breath in response, "At least let me compel you and numb the pain, until you can get stitches and some pain medicine."

"No!" she spoke the word frantically and Claire saw his eyes shift to confusion.

"I know that you are...angry...at me, but don't be so stubborn as to refuse my help."

"Your help?" Claire's voice rose in disbelief. "You helped me get to exactly where I am right now. I think I'm good."

"You are not good. If you don't stop this nonsense, I am going to do it anyway. There is no reason you need to suffer," he said shortly.

Claire features flashed into fury, "Don't you dare!"

"Give me one good reason!" he pushed her.

Claire felt her determination waiver as his dark liquid eyes gazed intently at her. She shut her eyes tightly, desperately trying to hold on to her tenuous control and finally whispered, "Because I need it."

"What?" he asked, appalled at her response.

Claire clung to her anger. She wasn't the same broken girl anymore. He left her and had clearly moved on. She needed to do the same. She had to be strong. She didn't answer him. Instead she made her way to the tiny kitchenette and winced as she pulled out the bottle of vodka.

His eyebrows rose. "You refuse my help, and instead you are going to drown out the pain with liquor? Explain your reasoning for that logic."

"I don't owe you any explanations," she hissed. "You didn't give me any choices in your decisions. You don't get a say in mine. If you really want to help, find me a straw," Claire bristled, staring at the bottle, contemplating the best way to get it into a cup and then to her mouth, without screaming.