Stay

chapter 8

It was already nine in the evening when I have the house in order and kissed my children goodnight.

Pouring a cup of coffee I went outside the back porch to enjoy the view and to reflect all the events that had happened these past few weeks.

I have changed these past few days. And this garden was the testament to that. The garden would always be my reminder that I am strong and that I can be stronger.  That my life can be rearranged and turned it into something beautiful and meaningful. Just like what I did when I put this garden together.

Alex may have turned my world upside down but unconsciously he had put it back together when he bought a new plant variety one day. Nanna worried about my state of mind had grabbed on the opportunity to encourage me to work in my garden. 

On the day that I started to work in the garden Alex had come by and asked of my plans. Once I explained to him what I wanted he had deftly sketched the design. He had even asked me if I wanted to have a gazebo or a pergola incorporated in the design and I told him I prefer the pergola.

But I didn't mention that gazebos had become a traumatic scene for me. He had helped in marking the areas and dug the soil for the bigger plants to be planted. At those moments I remembered the Alex I've known and for one crazy moment I had hoped that he will come back to me and that he would be truly mine that there was no Gwyneth between us.

But then the bubble would burst when he would leave the house for his so-called tutorial classes which I felt could just be his reason to meet with the other woman.

And so I worked and poured out my misery and frustrations in tending the garden. I had stayed under the sun pulling, pruning,  potting, and replanting the plants to fit the design. 

After days of labor I was able to create a beautiful garden that I've been wanting to have when Alex and I bought the house but somehow never found the time of doing it.

But most of all the work had helped me calmed my nerves and had helped me see my way through my marriage pains.

The anger, the hurt and the misery that seemed to engulf me every day seemed to have lessened as the joys of seeing the design concept of my garden were realized each day.

It had helped me see and understand myself better too. I no longer put the blame on being fat due to having two kids and on my lousy conversations as the reason for Alex's infidelity.

It had helped me realized too that during the years I have become dependent on Alex for everything both emotionally and financially that even my panty liner had to be bought out from his salary.

And that was why my world was thoroughly shaken when the knowledge of his infidelity was thrown in my face. And after a week of laboring in the sun I have gathered my shattered self-image and have renewed my determination not to be swallowed with misery and lost myself in this game called marriage.

I realized that to be able to stand on my own two feet I need to be independent and a job would help me become one and would help me become financially secured too. So if eventually, Alex would ask for divorce I wouldn't be that frightened anymore. I could buy this house for my children and file for full custody.

And Kenny was a dear in pulling some strings just to help me out. 

The moon is in full tonight so I walked to sit in the pergola and pondered further on my marriage. I am still hurting but I have resigned to the idea that it will end. The only question is when. I just hope that Alex would not be impatient to be with Gwyneth like he did when he courted me.

We may still be sharing the same bed but it was a cold bed that we share. Ever since the buffalo incident I found it hard to sleep in the same bed with him. I found it hard to pretend to hug and to sleep snuggled with him when I knew that he had been with another woman. So I made it my mission to do the laundry in the evening and to watch the TV series marathon that when I finally get in the sheets he was already fast asleep. 

Next week we would be celebrating our anniversary would he pretend to celebrate it or would he choose to forget it? But I think I should be busy with work during that time and to save us some humiliation she planned to schedule a full day's work. He can very well celebrate that day with his woman. Don't I sound pathetic?

My phone buzz so I pulled it out of my pocket. Miss Chantal had left a message a while ago that she would be calling me tonight. It must be her so I punched the button to received the call. 

"Hello, I hope that it's not too late to make the call over there? I am in Sweden right now and I am not sure of the time difference. But there was just no time for me to make an early call. I am personally overseeing the renovation of my husband's house here. I hope you understand that." Miss Chantal said. She sounded sincere and kind but definitely with a tone of a no-nonsense attitude kind of person. 

"It would be late for an early sleeper but I'm not one of those so your time of call is perfect for me too for I have already put the house in order," I replied.  

''Oh okay then, so we have certainly agreed on the time for the call have we not?" She asked and I laughed in agreement. 

"My brother was impressed by you Miss Emily and he called to tell me so. Although you have to undergo the one week trial to determine if you can withstand the pressure by it and if not he said that you can just work for him as his secretary.''Miss Chantal Kingston said. 

''Tomorrow I would like you to do what I wrote down in the list of things that will be done. Email me the results after you have talked to these suppliers. And the next day Mr. Kato will be back from Japan please confer with him of the items I found for him.  And visit the antique shop I found on the outskirts of the city. Send me pictures of the lamps, chandeliers, vases and the plates that they have in their collection. Don't forget to include the sizes of each piece. And just call me Chantal please." She added. 

After I assured her that I will be doing what she asked of me we said our goodbyes.