forty-three

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"Suddenly, in my eyes
rain wells up
You well up,
I see you even when I breathe
Love blooms
like cherry blossoms
but burns and becomes ashes"

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"We'll wait for you in the truck," Jin said, tapping my shoulder. I looked over him and nodded my head once before he and Namjoon left.

It was the day of Taehyung's funeral, and everybody were starting to leave already, but I decided to stay for a few more minutes. Dr. Jeon and Mrs. Jeon gave a few words to Taehyung earlier. They might not be his real parents, but through their words and actions, a person could feel their despair and agony in losing their other child. Mrs. Jeon couldn't stop crying at all, and it was too dangerous for her since she's pregnant and all this stress could really endanger the baby inside her.

I even saw a few familiar faces from the nightclub today, at Taehyung's funeral. I might not know them but in a short period of time of spending time with Taehyung in that place, I remembered a few faces.

. . . But one face was missing and that was Hoseok. Even Solji came, and for unknown reasons, she kept her distance from me and even to Jin and Namjoon who I knew were her friends as well. She was all by herself.

Throughout the day, those two stayed with me like real brothers I never had. They would ask me if I was fine from time to time, and even cared for me to eat something. I appreciated their efforts but as of the moment, I couldn't show how grateful I should be from their small actions. I couldn't feel anything but sadness and madness.



I sighed, staring at Taehyung's smiling picture on top of his grave. And you still have the audacity to smile after emotionally killing me?! Why you! I really hate you, Kim Taehyung!! I thought, rolling my eyes at his picture. Why are you even doing this to me?! I really miss you so much. . . I thought. It suddenly made feel like I'm going insane and if anyone could hear my thoughts right now, they'd think I'm a lunatic. I wanted to cry, but my eyes finally got to the point of crying too much that it could no longer have the capability to cry farther.

Next to Taehyung's grave was Jungkook's, who has a faded picture of him smiling too, and at the middle of their graves was a picture of them together smiling happily and innocently. Are you two happy now? You're together.

Later, in a blink of an eye, the gloomy sky have finally released its rain. The rain started pouring down, but I didn't even bother moving at all to where I was sitting. I stayed put on the grass where I was sitting across their graves. In a split second, my hair, face and my black dress were already soaking wet from the rain. I could feel every raindrop against my skin and hair, but suddenly it stopped. I looked around and yet it was still pouring down. Puzzled, I looked up ahead to see Solji holding an umbrella. I was a bit surprised, but I didn't let her noticed it. It was my first time to see her dressed differently than her usual look. She looked elegant and reserved in a black dress.

My eyes followed her presence until she sat next to me, still holding the umbrella above us. "You'll get sick," She began, but I pretended I didn't hear anything. There were silence between us before she cleared her throat and spoke, "Uhm, I've been really wanting to talk you, but I don't know how to reach you." She then looked down after. "I want to say sorry about what happened at Madi's party, Areum. I didn't mean to—" She said, breaking the ice between us.

Still looking at her, I immediately cut her off. "It's okay," It still hurts, but it's okay now. I said, almost whispering then shifted my gaze on the graves in front of us. I don't what to hear anything that happened in that party. "It's not your fault,"

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