The Way of Fate (Book 1)

21. Past, Present, Future

Chapter 21: Past, Present, Future 

Allen

"I'm sure you have a ton of questions," Mika said from the passenger seat of my car. We were still in the parking lot of the restaurant, having not gone anywhere yet.

He wasn't wrong. I did have questions. But I could tell he wanted to say something else, so I waited another moment.

"Sorry I never told you."

That confused me. "Told me what? You didn't know about her."

He shook his head, staring down at his lap. He looked extremely uncomfortable. "Not that. The, um, the having sex for money bit. I know you heard you her."

He was right about that too. But, to be honest, I wasn't all that surprised. Sure, I didn't actually know, but I think I was more surprised over Amy's casualness on the subject rather than Mika having sold himself. It was the way he had sex, especially in the beginning of our relationship. The way he moved was so synchronized, so precise, like he knew exactly what to do to please his partner and was extremely experienced in it. He could have just been with a bunch of different guys for fun, but, now that I was thinking about it, it seemed a little too precise. It was almost like he was too accustomed to being used. Although recently he's gotten better at making love with me. It's like he's finally giving in to what an actual sexual relationship is supposed to be like instead of basing everything he knows on when he was selling himself.

"I don't think I was ever going to tell you, to be honest," he continued when I didn't say anything. "I didn't want you to judge me."

I placed my hand on his shoulder, wanting him to look at me, but he didn't so I spoke anyway. "I would never judge you. I'm sure you needed to do it those times."

He shook his head. "Except it wasn't just a few times. It was a few years. More than a few, actually."

My breath caught in my throat. "Can I ask how old were you when you started that?"

The silence between us was heavy and went on long enough for me to decide to change the topic. But before I could speak, Mika muttered a "fifteen".

I honestly thought I misheard him. Fifteen? Really? But after getting a second confirmation, my heart broke for him. I don't know how he managed to get away with that so young, but he did, and continued doing it long enough for Amy to know that he did it.

I said I wouldn't judge him, and I wasn't. Obviously he had his reasons for doing so when he didn't want to, otherwise he wouldn't be so ashamed to admit it to me. And I loved him, nothing was going to change that now.

Mika moved to open the door to leave, but I quickly locked him in. Not to keep him here, but to question why he was running away.

"Just let me go," he said. "This is why I never wanted you to know."

"No, Mika, please," I said, practically begging. "I love you, which means I don't care that you had to do that. Okay?" I reached out and caressed his check lightly with my thumb. "You are so strong, Mika. So strong. And I am so proud of the man you are now, no matter how you got here."

"That's the thing," he said kind of harshly, finally looking at me. "You would have hated me back then. I was just a dirty gay street whore. I sold m body for money just so I could eat another day. For the longest time me and Amy lived under a fucking bridge. You never would have looked twice at me, Allen. How can you possibly say you love me when you don't even know everything about me? Or still love me after finding it all out?"

"You don't get it, do you?" I asked, keeping my voice soft. "The day you showed up on my doorstep, soaking wet and - frankly - looking like a drowned rat, I still invited you in. I let you hold my newborn son. I didn't see a dirty street whore" - I cringed as I said the words - "I saw a young man who needed his luck to turn around. So I gave you a chance, not out of pity, but out of kindness, because you seemed like you needed someone to see you for you." I smiled. "And I have to say, I'm so glad I did."