Pretty Please Don't Pinch Me

32. Some Guy

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I wait nervously by the front room, full of trepidation for Harry to get here. There's a small part of me that feels like he's going to change his mind at the last minute and it only now occurs to me that he might not even show up. I begin to pace, and I didn't even know I was a pacer. This is what he's done to me.

With Harry, everything is intensified, and he makes me feel things I didn't think were possible. Everything felt as thought I was in the most incredible dream. Only now, without him, it feels like that dream has been cut short by my alarm, and as much as I try and try to fall back to sleep in search of that place, I can't seem to get there.

I hope that I can get back there...

Eventually my fears of him not showing up are subsided as the beams from his car headlights stream in through the front windows. I jump up to the door, and then walk away from the door.

Just calm down.

I hear his shoes crunching on the gravel, and then soon after a gentle knocking at the door. I look through the peephole, and it's him. It's actually him. He looks quite nervous, and I too, am riddled with nerves. I take a deep breath, and open the door, but he's turned around, and walking back the way that he came.

"Harry" I shout. What are you - where are you going?"

Turning around to face me, he looks down. He looks really good. Even in this state, he's absolutely beautiful. Wearing black Nike shorts, white shirt, and black backwards cap, I can't help but notice his eyes. There's such sadness behind them, and when I try to meet them, for the first time he isn't receptive. I feel terrible. I did this. I caused him to feel so hurt.

"I just don't think... I don't know Ava. Coming here was a bad idea."

The Harry standing before me is not the Harry I've come to know. It's a blurred Harry. It's like someone has taken the light from him, and everything about him has dimmed. I almost feel like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. My life before Harry being in black and white, and meeting Harry was like Oz in the way that my life seemed more beautiful with him in it. Everything was more vivid, and I was happier. Now that I am pushed back into the black and white world that I came from, it's now a much sadder place. Before I didn't realise what I was missing out on, but now I am fully aware of how good life can be as he stands before me.

"Please, just come inside," I plead. I'm almost tempted to hug him or kiss him or embrace him in some way, but something is telling me not to do it. It feels so alien for me to me to be treated with anything but warmth from Harry. I really don't like this. He follows me inside and takes his cap off and places it on a side table as he steps inside the house. His hair is tied up high on his head in a mini man bun, and his shorter curls fall messily around the side of his face.

He follows me up the stairs and notices the lack of people in my house.

"Where is everyone?"

"It's just me and Marnie home tonight. The rest are out of town until tomorrow."

We get to my room, and I realise this is the first time he's been in here. I'm thankful to have cleaned out anything particularly embarrassing today, but nonetheless, it's still extremely confronting in having someone that you like so much into a place that's a direct representation of yourself. He looks around and I stand by the door as he picks up a picture frame with a photo of me as a child with my Dad.