Game Theory × NH

116 | livermorium

× Horan

The only thing worse than not loving Lynn was loving her, and then trying to love someone else.

When she first left, I would have described my heartache as a ravenous fire that burnt all the oxygen in my body, leaving me empty. But now it was more like a thin layer of ice, cooling my insides, a reminder of the pain that came before, and a warning not to fuel that fire again. I couldn't see myself putting my heart out there anymore; I didn't think it could survive another inferno.

But then Elise Bouvier entered my life and all that changed.

We met in Dublin three years ago. It was the night after a won home game and the team had gone out to celebrate. Elise had just gotten her test scores from classes and was out to have fun with her friends as well. We easily hit it off, and being that I would be staying in the city for the next month, it was easy to get to know her.

And then it was history.

Until a few years later and I find myself in bed with an old lover.

Lynn Mercury lay asleep beside me, her arms wrapped around a pillow and her bare back on full display, showing off a tattoo that she didn't have before.

The white sheet was wrapped around her waist, but it exposed the ink along her rib cage perfectly. When I got a good look at the words, my breath caught in my throat.

You can break everything down to chemicals, but you can't explain a love like ours.

Those were the lyrics I had written down on notebook paper years ago. Those were the same lyrics I had sang to her in the cabin before everything went to shit - before she left and took every sense of authenticity with her. The simple fact that she even remembered the words tore at me, but getting it permanently inked into her skin would leave scars on my heart for years to come.

Ever so carefully, I reached over and traced the delicate curves of the ink. The moment I touched her, a wave of goosebumps rose on her skin, but she didn't wake up.

Seeing her in the same bed as me made it easy to hate her. She had driven me crazy for months. I hated the little things she did that completely got under my skin, those little things that at the time I swore I could live without. I hated having to deal with those things because I loved her; I loved us.

Elise is nothing like Lynn, and I loved that about her. But even though she could never annoy me as much as the girl lying next to me, I could never love Elise as much as I loved hating being annoyed by Lynn.

Elise isn't picky about everything she eats and is always up to trying new things. But I missed knowing what Lynn would get at every restaurant we go to and being able to order her food because she was so predictable. Elise doesn't radiate body heat so excessively that we both end up sweating with the covers at our feet in the middle of the night. But now I was always freezing while I sleep.

It was six in the morning, and if I was to get back to the hotel without any of the lads noticing, I had to leave now.

Crawling out of the bed, I fumbled around, putting on the clothes that ended up in the bedroom. Just as I was going to quietly walk out and get my shirt from the entryway and make my exit, the sleeping body on the bed stirred.

"You're leaving?"

I paused and closed my eyes. I was hoping to get out of there without waking her. I hated to be the guy I was back in college where I fucked and left, but what was I supposed to do? I was getting married today.