connected »bts ; completed«

six

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"taehyung my love,

i have never been this thankful for someone before in my entire life. i wish i could thank you a million times. you have done so much for me and it would be impossible for me to repay it all.

you're the first boyfriend – and relationship – that i have ever had and i don't think i could ask for anyone better. you are my other half. you're my sun, my moon, and all of my stars. you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

thank you for choosing me to be yours. there are so many other people out there, but you chose me. i'm the luckiest boy on planet earth.

i want to apologize to you.
i'm so sorry that i have to keep you as a secret. i'm sorry that i have to keep our relationship a secret. i wish that i was courageous enough to come out to my parents and friends, but i'm not. i'm sorry that i'm too scared to tell them about us and our love.

please know that i am not ashamed of you or us whatsoever. that is not the issue. i have so many fears and they control me, no matter how hard i fight back.

they may not know about us, but the universe does. it knows how genuine and pure our love is. it knows about all of our embraces and secret kisses. it knows about all the times we've held hands, our fingers locked together, never wanting to part.

every night, i look out across the starry sky and i whisper to the man in the moon. i tell him how much i love you and how you're such a blessing to me.

thank you for loving me.
i know that i am not an easy person to love, yet you do it without difficulty. you love me so innocently and passionately. you love me despite my issues and flaws. you love me when there are times i cannot find it in me to love myself. you never give up on me and you never give up on us. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

thank you for just being you.
thank you for being mine.
you are my first love and you are my only love. i love you with everything i have in me.
i will most definitely never, ever forget about you, kim taehyung.

i hope you can forgive me when this is all over. please know that this is for the best.
i know what i'm doing and i will not regret what happens.

i have one last request.

go to the park with the big willow tree in the middle tomorrow at 2pm.
sit down underneath it.
there will be five other people there who are also very special to me.
please get to know them and become great friends.
though, i have no doubt that you will all get along exceptionally well.

amongst these five people, i want you to really get to know one of them in particular. his name is min yoongi. he's a friend of mine and i think you two would hit it off so well.

you were both born in daegu and you both have the same music taste. yoongi is very passionate about rap, hip hop, r&b and the like. coincidentally, he's a rapper himself. he's a rapper that i think you will easily come to adore.

i want you to be able to get over me and find love again. i want you to find someone who can fill the void i have to leave you with – and then some. i have a strong feeling that that someone can be yoongi.

you deserve someone who can support you just as much as you support them. you deserve someone who can put just as much effort into the relationship as you do.
you deserve someone who isn't afraid to tell everyone they know that you belong to them.
you deserve someone who can take care of you even when they aren't doing the best themselves.

i'm sorry that i could not be that perfect person for you, taehyung. i really hoped that i could be, but i'm not and i never will be. i'm too constricted and bound down by my own fears, doubts, insecurities, and inner demons. they cloud my vision and my mind and never seem to leave me alone.

you don't need to be with someone like that. you don't need to be with me. it's not healthy for you to not be loved, cared for, and appreciated like you should be. you don't need to be with someone who lets the negative things that are impacting them control their life and their decisions. in the end, that negativity will seep out of them and begin to coil itself around you. it will wrap around your neck and strangle you, depriving you of any sort of joy you come in contact with.
i don't want you to go through that.

i'm sorry that i cannot be the person i want to be. i'm sorry that i cannot be the boyfriend i want to be. most of all, i'm sorry that i got you into this mess and this relationship. i knew that i wouldn't be able to handle and balance everything, yet i still pursued you. i'm sorry that you ended up falling in love with me.

the only thing that i will not apologize for, is loving you. i will never apologize for that. i truly do love you, but at some point you have to learn when to let go. i have to let you go. it'll be better for the both of us, i promise.

i am so deeply sorry for all the pain i have caused you. i never wanted to hurt you, but i did it anyways. i've disappointed myself.

please move on from me, but don't ever forget me, okay? i love you. i love you. i love you.

sincerely,
your jungkookie ♡"