Gentleman's Agreement

The M Word

"I have to go," my voice hitches for a brief moment as I step out of the vehicle.

"Ellie!" Sebastian calls from a yard away down the street from my apartment complex.

Mr. Hale is in shock just as I am when he someone calls my name from out of the blue. Especially when it's a masculine tone with concern laced on every syllable in my name.

I watch Sebastian draw closer to where we both we standing and I could tell it was going to be awkward. This could go one of two ways. Here once again caught between two men, with two completely different agendas.

Sebastian with his heart of a saint and Mr. Hale with his heart of stone. Clearly I was caught between the a pickle even I couldn't work my way out of.

"Ellie, where have you been?" Sebastian perplexed by the unknown man in an expensive business suit accompanying me.

Here I was prompted with either telling Sebastian the truth or lying to protect our relationship. "This is Xander Hale. I don't know if you remember him, but he is partnering up with our business project. He was polite enough to give me a ride home after work."

"Cool, I guess.." Sebastian seemed off in a sense. "Thank you for seeing her home safely." He pats Mr. Hale on the shoulder awkwardly.

Mr. Hale nods his head swallowing whatever he was going to say. "I will see you in the morning then. I know you have a lot of paperwork to type up and email everyone. I apologize for keeping you late."

Sebastian chuckles slightly. "I almost thought you ran away with my girlfriend."

Face palm.

I could just slap myself in the face over and over again. The most embarrassing moment in my life where I am having to watch the anxiety rise over my now redden cheeks. I gulp whatever courage I had left, and nodded in acknowledgement. "Goodnight.." I whisper watching Mr. Hale step inside of the vehicle in complete silence.

"He is not a man of many words, is he?" Sebastian asks.

I had to roll my eyes. If only he knew the half of it, but whom could I have shared a conversation about the mysterious and guarded Mr. Hale. I know of him, but not about him. It's like hearing about a book that has been overly talked about, but never actually sitting down to enjoy the novel. Except the novel was full of empty pages. No beginning, a continuous middle, and no end.

"You have no idea..." I whisper to myself. 

I wasn't only discombobulated with everything that had been discussed. I was hurting emotionally. It was all my fault for getting attached to someone of his stature. Here we go again mixing business and pleasure together. It's been a whole year and here I am being the same old Ellie again. I wasn't going to be the same Ellie sulking over what could have been. It's done and over now. If I kept reminiscing over spilled milk I would be labeled 'dumb' not that I already haven't.

"How many late nights do you plan on having with Mr. Hale?" Sebastian asks catching me off guard. "Not that I am trying to be controlling or anything, but he gives me this feeling that I can't seem to shake. It's like he's hiding something."

Sebastian did have a point. Mr. Hale did have his ways of being a bit cunning. That's about all the gentlemen I have encountered in my life. Mr. Hale, Mr. Hurst, and even Mr. Codwell. There's some history there that makes me fearful to ask. 

"I don't know if I want to have this conversation." I try to shut out any conversation that may lead deeper into the current conflicting emotions I am having. 

Sebastian rubs his index finger and thumb along his chin as if he was deep in thought. "This is the one boss if I'm not mistaken. You always get fastidious whenever he shows up, or his name comes up. There's something I should know?" He asks.

"Fa- huh?"

"Concerned, Ellie."

I shake my head letting out a dry laugh. "This is ridiculous," I scoff.

"What's ridiculous is you avoiding my question.. Ellie did you and Mr. Hale have something going on that I don't know about?" 

Sebastian's face is stern not a hint of emotion across his face. It's almost like he's scolding me like an errant child somehow. I am reluctant to answer these questions. It's not like we were together or anything. 

"Ellie!"

"Yes! Ok! Yes we did." 

He closes his eyes shaking his head. "I knew there was a reason you wouldn't let me really stay with you overnight. It's because of him isn't it?"

The air is as chilly as it's ever been. I felt more alone now than I had a year ago. Everything that I put behind me was catching up once again. Now I am having to answer a question that I was hoping to avoid for a long time. I shiver beneath my clothing when I start to rock back and forth. My nerves are getting finicky when I notice Sebastian getting more and more fed up with my silence. 

"We had something that went on briefly. He knows that you are my boyfriend and I haven't seen him in more than a year because I've been working at this job. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I don;t even know what I'm doing anymore.." The tears start to rise in my eyelids. 

Sebastian is done hearing my pleas at the moment and will not take anymore of the sob stories. I'm not even sure I can take much more of the sob stories as well. I keep making excuses to myself about I can turn a situation around, how I put myself through these situations, and making a victim of myself during these situations. I'm not even sure how much of this I can take mentally and emotionally.

The tears start to stream down my face as we stand there in the cold. The street light flickering in the distance reminded me of one of those romance movies where you hit the climax. Except this wasn't a movie. This was my life. I was living my version of a romance movie where love, sex, lies, truths, and more would eventually come to light. I was not a fan of how it was turning out either. 

Sebastian turns around stuffing his hands into his pockets and proceeds to walk away. I couldn't fault him either for this was hiding in the dark. I was intentionally lying to him because I didn't want to start another emotional roller-coaster. This was my karma wasn't it? Just to be lonely. I shuffle inside my apartment wiping the tears from my eyes.

The pillow beneath my face catching every heartbreak I was experiencing at the moment. Every memory came flooding back to me like a nightmare. Mr. Hale's crazy mood swings, and Mr. Hurst's sly sex scandal. Mr. Codwell. Glen planning on sabotaging Mr. Hale's career over me. I was the root of everyone's problems. No one else was to blame. I couldn't even confide to anyone about my feelings because I shut everyone out. 

"Eli.." I sniffle.

"Ellie!? Are you okay?" 

I try to suppress my sniffling over the phone. "I just need someone to talk to. I'm sorry to call you this late at night."

"Who did it?"

I chuckle slightly. "Eli, no one did anything. I'm just feeling like a terrible person right now." My conscience would have been screaming right now, and yet she is as silent as the streets.

"Ellie, you're not a bad person. You're my sister and I've known you longer than anyone. You may have changed since moving away, but you have never been a person to make irrational decisions without thinking it through. Sometimes making a decision sometimes is selfish depending on the situation, but I know you will always do the right thing. Did that Mr. Hale hurt you or something? Because if he d-"

"No, Eli." I interrupt him mid sentence. "Mr. Hale didn't do anything to me. I promise you. I'm just not sure what am I suppose to do. I think I hurt someone... I know I hurt someone, but I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt him."

"Do you love him?"

"I care for him."

"If you care for him then you will find a way to make it right even if he doesn't think it isn't the right choice. There's never a right or wrong choice. It's just the choice you make that you know will be beneficial in the end."

Just as our conversation is going my phone lights up with a notification.

Hale: Meeting in the morning 7am.