Monster in My Bed

Chapter Fifteen | Wolves Can't Unlock iPhones

Truth be told, I was never really good in high stress situations. I tended to panic and say whatever I could to avoid them. It was one of the things my dad hated about me. Like I said, I never had the collectivity of Kaden—physically or emotionally.

Kaden was a bit of a stoic. It wasn't that he had full control over his emotions, he was just really good at locking them away. I, on the other hand, fought with my emotions on a day to day basis.

I'm an emotional girl, what can I say?

I don't mean emotional like I cried a lot. No. Gross. I mean emotional like everything would just build up and eventually feel like I was being suffocated. It normally never ended well when I got to the point of just snapping. I suppose that was what kind of happened between Jack and I.

I wanted to punch myself several times in the face for giving in so easily. I can see now why my father blatantly told me how much he hated how emotional I could get when I was younger. He always said, 'rogues don't feel. They just do,' but I was more of a 'feel and then do' kind of person. Kaden was more of a 'just don't' person all around. Don't feel. Don't do. Probably one of the reasons my dad had said he wanted to disown him so many times. He never meant it, though.

For the first time in a while, I was having a war with my head and my heart. My head because I was trying to deal with the thoughts of what could be and what already had been. My own thoughts were practically eating me alive. My heart, on the contrary, was involved due to Matteo being involved. The mate bond was a wicked thing, let me just say. The way it managed to get into my head and make me do things I'd never even think of doing confused me and concerned me at the same time—maybe even scared me a little bit. I'd never admit it, but at this point I just felt drained.

I couldn't help how I felt towards him. I hated to deny it, to push it away, but I felt stuck. I wanted Matteo, but not his way of living—but then again, a little part of me kind of craved it. I just blame it on the whole mate thing. It's just not easy giving up rogue life when that's all I've known. It keeps me attached to my parents. Even though they left, there was still that small chance that they could come back floating around in the back of my mind, and I'd be standing there with open arms when they did.

I suppose the thing I craved about it was the permanency of it which also happens to be the thing that scared me the most. Normally, if I had any sort of issue I could just run away from it. That's not really the case anymore. The issue I have currently is forced upon me by fate, and, whether it is a curse or blessing, I can't out run fate. That seems to be making itself obvious. It feels extremely unnatural but natural at the same time, and it's confusing the heck out of me. It's almost like tasting a food when you aren't sure if you really like the flavor on the first bite, so you take another just to taste it again, and it ends up tasting exactly the same, but you still just don't know if you like it or not.

I don't know. All that I can say is that I was confused by what I was taught to be right and what I feel is right.

I'm stuck between just accepting that Matteo is my mate and being in a pack isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, or face the mental disappointment of my father and possible future regret if being part of a pack is everything my dad told me it was.

I probably would have already figured out my situation two days ago if anyone could get a hold of Matteo who still happens to be looking for me even though I'm currently laying in his bedroom.

From what I had gathered from Jack and I's few brief conversations, Matteo has most likely—to be short—gone insane and has allowed his wolf to take over in order to track me down (Hence why he won't answer his stupid phone because wolves can't unlock an iPhone), or he's dead. I chose to ignore the second option when Dani had offered up the idea by simply telling Jack and Dani that if they didn't leave me alone, I'd strangle them with their socks through the locked door.