to all the glowing eyes ✎ joshler

october 10

will;

the game was surprisingly entertaining. seeing covered in sweat was super fun and interesting.

i know he didn't even know i was there, but he looked at the whole crowd as we were one whole.

god...he's so perfect.

collette sat next to me. i think she ignored me the whole time. she's so pretty. her hair is definitely her best feature.

that's all i can say about the game.

i do feel..odd since then. i cannot describe it, it's a weird feeling. i don't feel like me. it's like i'm not here.

the only way i think i can put it is: as if i was watching a movie of the world, and i'm nothing but a spectator on my life.

weird...

this is all weird.

t.r.j.

„"„

josh couldn't help but reread that over a million times. it is such a peculiar entry. it's way shorter and it really does nothing but confirm his speculation of mr. joseph having some kind of depersonalization along with his depression and social anxiety.

he tries his best to set it all aside and focus on the party going on around him.

his friend brendon is most notably known for having amazing parties, and this one is no exception. it is an open invitation, meaning that everyone from their school, except freshmen 'cause they're still too young, is here. sophomores to seniors are currently enjoying the mediocre music and excellent food.

josh is not that big of a fan of parties. he likes them, but he'd rather have a calm night with his friends. wherever he goes, everyone congratulates him and tells him he's the best. he says thank you and leaves before any more conversation unfolds.

he doesn't have a problem talking with people, not at all. he just...dislikes most of the people who talk to him.

he serves himself some diet coke; he isn't fond of getting drunk like his friends. he avoids the crowded areas and decides to go to the gardens around the house...or mansion to say the least.

brendon's parents are sickly rich. they have enough money to buy whatever they want and not have to worry about it. their house is huge, therefore it is a mansion. josh and his friends compare the gardens to those in versailles since they seem to be endless and they're truly stunning.

it's still early afternoon, so there's enough sunlight for josh not to walk into a wall or fall into the random holes that are being excavated for new rose bushes or another tree.

josh walks around aimlessly with no destination. he likes how pretty his surroundings are and how clean the air feels with all these trees and other plants engulfing him. he spots a couple of people during his walk, mostly couples who try to get some privacy of sorts and makeout. though he sees a small boy sitting alone by some daisies and sunflowers.

his brains commands his legs to go towards him as the thought of his boy comes to mind. once he gets close enough, he confirms his questionings. "hi,"he says softly, trying his best not to scare the boy.

the small brunette jumps a little, but is calm otherwise. he clearly gets more anxious than he already was. "h-hi. what a-are you doing h-h-here?"

"i'm at my own party?"

"n-no. i mean what are you doing here w-with me."

"oh,"i sit beside him on the wooden bench,"i saw you here alone. so now i'm keeping you company."

he tilts his head in confusion. "you seem lonely. i've never seen you with someone else. you could use a friend, to be honest."i answer his unspoken questions.

"thank you... people tend to ignore me."

"what a bunch of jerks." he gets a smile out of him. josh cannot deny that the sophomore is the most adorable person he's ever seen. he sits closer to him, which is surprising to the both of them.

"i never got to know your name, by the way. you obviously know mine."

"oh...yeah. i'm tyler."

"nice to meet you, tyler."

"nice to meet you too, josh."

{🌹💌🌹}

this is so shit,,, i'm sorry

happy pride month btw!! if you're part of the lgtbq+ community, gay it up yo. if you're not, don't be a homophobic/transphobic ass.

remember to take your meds, drink water, eat healthy, sleep your 8 hours and take a break from life if you need to. stay safe, love you all

-alaska