Winter Air [H.S.]

Thirty-Seven

Song for this Chapter: Let her Go - Passenger 

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Nine days.

That was how long it had been since since Harry and Ava last saw one another.

Three days.

That was how long it had been since they last spoke. Her words were brief. It was to only let him know that she had left his laptop outside his apartment. 

The past nine days had been hard on Ava. The emotions that were swirling inside of her were gnawing at her heart. Her mind was going a mile a minute. Her nights feeling drawn out as she laid underneath the cold sheets, incapable of drifting off to a dreamless sleep.

The longer she was away from him, the more she began to regret her reaction. However, her stubbornness held her back from being the first to speak. The more she was away from him, the more her heart broke. It shattered to the floor when he walked out her door. Her stubbornness had stopped her from getting the broom and sweeping it up; her pride holding her back from glueing the pieces back together. 

The days had gone by. She had slowly slipped back into the motions of her routine before Harry had stepped into her life. She had become a shell of broken emotion. Jacey had caught on to her mood and tried to question it, to only have Ava change the topic. She didn't want to talk about it. She knew that she would be called out for her own stubborn behaviour. She knew that her reaction had been uncalled for. Yet a part of her kept telling her that how she reacted was justifiable. He had held this from her. He deliberately did not tell her that he was changing his plans. 

One day, Jacey pushed farther. "I am not leaving this apartment until you tell me what happened." She had said. It was those words that caused Ava to break. Her frail body fell to the floor in a wave of tears and broken emotions. 

"He lied to me." She said.

"What do you mean he lied to you?" Jacey said, as she tried to console her friend. She sat on the couch as she explained to her friend what had happened.

"This was big news that he kept from me."

"Why are you mad though? I don't understand."

"He dropped his tour for me!"

"Shouldn't that make you feel happy? Flattered at best?" She ran her hand over her friends arm in a comforting motion. 

"It should! I don't know why I'm not though. All I can think about was how stupid he was for almost hurting everything that he worked for, for... for me!" She cried out. 

"Maybe," Jacey paused, "Maybe you are freaking out because you are scared. You are scared to be loved again. Scott messed you up. He hurt you. Maybe you got so upset is because you don't want to risk your heart again. Harry is so in love with you and that scares you. It scares you so much that you have become insecure."

Ava stayed quiet as she let the words settle. Was that it? Was she scared? Insecure? It had made sense. 

"I don't know." 

"Think about it, Ave." She got up, walking towards the front door. "Talk to him. Don't lose him. You got yourself a good one." 

It had been a few days since Jacey's confrontation. After she left, she sat on her bed and thought about everything that she said. She picked up her journal from the small desk in the corner of her bedroom. Turning to a blank page she began to write. As the pen began to move, the emotions flowed out. Words of insecurity had become the prominent theme. "I owe an explanation for my rigid self-loathing. It is my own past and hurts that have created an inner self-insecurity. It is a self-insecurity that has seemingly built up over the years. And it is this insecurity that has caused me to hurt not only myself, but the one person I have truly ever loved. My insecurity is an ugly creature that has taken captive over me. It has taken captive over my thoughts and happiness. By letting it take over me, I have overreacted and broke the one man who has truly taught and shown me what it means to sacrifice one's self to show love."