The Fakers

1: Liam

"Check out the dime piece in silver. Your two o'clock."

I did. "Eh. I'm feeling generous and drunk, so I'll give her an 8.5, maybe a 9," I said, leaning back in my chair. "But she's no 10. First of all, there's no such thing as a 10. Second of all, she's probably a B-cup at best. And you know I'm a boob man."

Tony shook his head in fervid disagreement. "Well, I'm a face man. And that face? Perfection. I maintain she's a 10," he said, slamming his beer glass down on the table.

It was a Thursday night at Celestial, one of the most exclusive clubs in Los Angeles, and we had a table upstairs – thanks to me. The top deck was reserved for the VIPs, and to be allowed behind the velvet rope, male patrons had to be at least two of three things: rich, famous, and beautiful. I checked all three boxes.

I finished my old fashioned and shook the empty glass at our blonde waitress who, for some reason, looked vaguely familiar. She smiled at me before turning and making a beeline for the bar. The table she had been approaching before I interrupted began to grumble, and I chuckled to myself.

"Do you think she's a model, an actress, or an aspiring real housewife?" Tony asked.

I turned my attention back to the brunette in the silver dress. Her skin was naturally tan – not from a spray bottle or UVA bulbs – which emphasized the lightness of her eyes. I couldn't tell if they were blue from where I was sitting, but if they were, I was definitely taking her home tonight. Ever since Megan Fox had made a guest appearance on my show, I was a sucker for dark-haired girls with blue eyes.

Okay, who was I kidding? She was the hottest girl in this bar, which was quite the accomplishment as beauty was the one requirement for female patrons. I was going to take her home with me regardless of eye color.

"Wannabe actress," I guessed. "She's not skin and bones, so that rules out model, and she's not giving me gold digger vibes, either. I bet she has her own money – look at those Jimmy Choos."

Tony admired her strappy crystal-studded heels before moving his eyes upwards. "No, look at those legs."

"Don't get too attached," I laughed. "She's mine."

"No fucking way," he shot back. "I saw her first, and you don't even think she's a 10." With his shaggy blonde hair, Roman nose, and dimpled chin, there was no denying that Tony was easy on the eyes, but both on-screen and off, he lacked charisma. He just didn't have "It." I, on the other hand, had "It" in spades. That's why I got the first pick of scripts and girls.

My eyes fell to her lips as she took a sip of her martini. "Maybe she won't mind being shared," I mused.

Like I said earlier, I was feeling generous.

The waitress came back with our drinks. Instead of setting mine down on our table, she handed it to me, making sure to touch my fingertips. I tried not to grimace.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you," she said breathily.

"There is," I said. "Please be less desperate. Thanks."

Her face fell as she hugged her tray to her chest, blinking rapidly. I gave her a blank look – seriously, why was she still here? – and she finally took the hint. She rushed away on the verge of tears, ignoring for the second time the table from earlier.

I shook my head at her lack of professionalism. She was so getting fired, and I couldn't say it wasn't deserved. 

"Didn't you have sex with her last Saturday?" Tony asked, chuckling into his beer.

"What?"

"In the alleyway."

I tried to remember the events of the previous weekend, which was no small feat given how sloshed I was for the entirety of it.

"Oh, you're right. I did. Ha! It slipped my mind."

"Christ Almighty," Tony said, shaking his head. He raised his glass. "Cheers."

I clinked my glass to his. "Cheers."

When we finished our respective drinks, the conversation went back to the girl in the silver dress. "Like I said before, threesome probably," I said. "Bathroom stall sex, maybe. Taxi sex, also maybe.... but probably not."

"Really? That's all?" Tony balked. We had a point system that took into account sex acts as well as the location of said sex acts. The more depraved the act and public the place, the more points you scored. Let's just say if this was the NBA, I'd be Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.  

I shrugged. "She looks classy and rich, and I'm not sensing any self-esteem issues, sadly. I bet she's a closet freak but not an exhibitionist."

Tony looked at me in amazement. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Read girls like that."

"What can I say? I'm a sex god."

The truth was, when you slept with as many women as I have, you began to recognize certain patterns. The way they carried themselves, the look in their eyes, and how they engaged with their surroundings were all telltale signs of what they wanted.

The brunette's friend, for example, was looking for a rich man to take care of her. She was eyeing the men sitting at the reserved tables, surreptitiously taking in the cut of their suits and their bottles of choice - the more expensive, the better. Now she was an aspiring real housewife. I could tell by the constant adjustment of her cleavage that she was on the prowl, and I could easily have her if I wanted, but I was feeling ambitious tonight.

"Sex god, huh?" Tony chuckled. "If that's the case, I think you're selling yourself short."

I grinned at him. Although Tony's star was falling and he hadn't worked a real job in years thanks to his bad reputation and aforementioned lack of charisma, I kept him around to boost my ego.

Not that it needed any boosting.

"Oh, yeah? What do you think I could get her to do?" I asked.

He thought for a moment.

"Anal. At the very least."

"That's her third martini of the night, so maybe you're onto something."

"I think we should buy her and her friend a fourth."

"I think you're right."

* * * * * *

What did you think of the first chapter of The Fakers? Do you hate Liam already? Can you not wait until someone puts him in his place?

The female protagonist POV is next, and I think you'll like her as much as you (currently) dislike Liam. Also, please don't forget to vote or comment!