UNSEEN: Undone Realms Book 1

Practice in futility

Nolan practices holding his breath.

He wants to understand what it's like to live without breathing. The sensation that he's running out of air makes him uncomfortable at first, but he keeps trying. He doesn't go about this exercise recklessly, however. He isn't interested in turning blue or passing out, so Nolan breaths when he needs to.

And then he holds his breath again.

Nolan requires oxygen so he can't truly grasp what it is like for Clara, who does not. All he can do is get a taste so that is what he strives for. He practices over and over again, but only when she isn't looking. He doesn't want Clara to make fun of him, or worse, to become sad because he is playing at something she has no choice in. Clara cannot practice breathing. It doesn't work that way.

Clara is around a lot more often lately, so Nolan has less opportunity to perform his strange self-experimentation. Even so, Nolan notices a change. He can hold his breath a little bit longer each time he tries. He isn't scared, or dizzy, or self-destructive. He begins to think of it as a useful skill. Nolan will continue to practice and will hope Clara doesn't catch him at it.

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Clara notices Nolan holding his breath. She moves away before Nolan realizes she's there. He repeats the activity several times when he thinks she isn't looking.

Why would someone with the wondrous gift of functioning lungs wish to suppress that function? It makes no sense to her. She should be annoyed or upset, but she isn't. She is surprised, yes, but also slightly amused and oddly touched. Nolan is trying to determine what it's like to be Clara. But no one is like Clara except for Clara. No matter how hard Nolan tries, he still needs to fill his lungs. He will never know what it is like to live in absence of that need. She thinks it's sweet that he tries, though, and doesn't begrudge him his corporeal oxygen-dependent existence.

Clara decides not to tell him she's aware of what he's doing because it will only embarrass him. Let him stay uninhibited in his ambitions. Nolan is prone to the reverse—to letting everything inside of him keep him from experiencing everything outside. Clara is all about a life of forced inhibition. She will not be the one to hinder Nolan. She makes a decision right then and there—Clara will help Nolan with whatever he wishes to accomplish. But what does he wish for? He must have something he wants to do, outside of the hotel.

The first night they spent together on the rooftop, Nolan told Clara that he had stopped at the hotel because he ran out of money. He was on his way to Canada. He doesn't tell her why he was headed there in the first place, but there must be a reason. She should find out that reason and then encourage Nolan to accomplish what he started. He shouldn't be afraid to leave the hotel just because it would shatter her and leave her in a state of agony at the loss of the only companion she's ever known.

She will not steal his life from him. His pity for her cannot be allowed to hold him here.