Dichotomous Thinking

I

Five years and a fatal car crash later, Frank was finally going to be able to see the love of his life. He'd been waiting outside of Heaven for five years, saying he wouldn't go in without his Gerard. He hadn't slept. He hadn't even moved from the spot where he sat.

The angels would smile and shake their heads, "That one is dedicated," one would say, usually a male. Another, usually a female, would scold him playfully, "He's in love," she'd smile fondly, remembering when she was like Frank. Frank would just smile bashfully and duck his head, blushing.

The people coming into Heaven would ignore him, or they'd give him disgusted looks. He ignored them most of the time, or, he would pretend to. They really did hurt him, in all honesty. He knew he was most probably gossiped about, no one really knew why he was out there except for himself and the angels. That was because he had told an angel, her name was Jamia, but word spreads quickly with the angels. There were so little of them, gossip like that spread like wildfire.

At first, he was teased about it. However, they slowly started to respect him for his dedication. At one point, one of them had said that when he walked through the gate, him and his lover would have a grand house, and Frank himself, a chance at becoming an angel. Frank had simply blushed and shook his head timidly, saying that all he needed and wanted to be happy was to be with Gerard. Everyone who had seen the act was amazed, you don't say no to something like that, usually. Frank had become friends with that angel, his name was Pete. ("What kind of name for an angel is Pete?" ) 

The angels took care of him, bringing him food and making sure he got enough sleep. He was happy enough. He just needed his Gerard in his arms, then, he'd be perfect.

But this time, this time, when he checked the list (they always let him see the list), his Gerard was on it, along with someone else who he decided to ignore. He almost cried. Finally, finally, he could see his Gerard again. 

For the first time in five years, he was going to see his lover again.

For the first time in five years, Frank stood up, bouncing on his feet, looking at the long line of souls that were being collected. His Gerard was somewhere down that line. He was going to see his Gerard.

After what felt like an eternity, the line was coming to an end. The day was almost over. Finally, he saw him. He saw his Gerard. Frank was overjoyed, but it looked like Gerard was upset. He tilted his head. He didn't want his Gerard upset. He shook his head. He'd do something about it when they were through the gates.

But then Gerard looked to his side, and Frank saw he was smiling. He was smiling at the beautiful woman next to him. Frank frowned, it felt as though there was something wrong. That was how Gerard looked at him. Of course. He should have fucking known.

Then Gerard's eyes met Frank's, and there was a mix of emotions on his face. But Frank knew them all, he could always read Gerard like a book. There was relief, anger, grief, regret, annoyance. Frank looked down, Gerard didn't seem happy to see him. (Obviously he wasn't, what was Frank thinking?)

"Frank." He heard, he looked up to see his Gerard and the beautiful lady in front of him. Frank searched Gerard's face, finding nothing. No compassion, or love, or happiness... He was just emotionless.

Frank smiled, "Hello." He said softly, "I hope the length of the line didn't bother you. You've always been impatient."

Gerard smiled, it was fake. "Funny."

"I hear it's nice in there, you two should go."

Gerard blinked, obviously confused, "You hear it's nice in there?"

"Never went through the gates, been waiting for you, like I promised." Frank whispered, Gerard cleared his throat, anger flashed in his eyes. Frank crossed his arms, curling in on himself. It seemed like he hadn't told this girl about their promise. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, realizing his mistake.

Gerard shrugged, "Anyways, you know Lindsey, my wife." Gerard smiled at the woman.

Wife. The word hit him like a slap in the face, he winced, closing his eyes and he sighed again.

"That's... Interesting." He murmured. "Thought you were more into guys." Frank laughed, but it was forced. Gerard didn't know. Frank was a good actor. It's how Gerard never knew he wasn't okay. It's how Gerard never saw the warning signs. It's how Gerard never knew it was going to happen eventually.

Gerard smiled, it was genuine this time. "So, how've you been?"

How've you been? How has he been? He didn't know. He didn't know how he'd been. He hadn't been much of anything, lately. He'd just been around. He was just here, he was just-

"Frank?" Frank was interrupted from his thoughts by a concerned voice, he furrowed his eyebrows. Who was that? All of a sudden he felt a finger on his chin, and his face was lifted up to see Gerard. "I'm losing you."

Frank blinked, trying to remember what Gerard had asked him in the first place, but all he could hear was him saying I'm losing you. It was like it was echoing in his mind, over and over and over...

"I think I'm losing myself, too." He murmured.

"Frank? C'mon, you're scaring me."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lindsey roll her eyes. Why is she rolling her eyes?

"I'm fine. I've been fine." He mumbled. "Leave me alone. Go through the gates."

Gerard nodded, "You should come with us. I'm here now. You don't need to do this anymore. You can finally start thinking about yourself."

Frank gulped, shaking his head. He didn't know how to do that. "I'm waiting for a few people to come back."

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't concern you." He said stiffly.

Gerard sighed, "Don't be like this. You've always been like this whenever you don't get your way. I moved on, Frank. You couldn't possibly have thought that I wouldn't have."

"You promised." He mumbled.

"Maybe I lied." Gerard snapped, Frank recoiled.

"You- You couldn't have possibly-" They both knew he wasn't lying when he said he lied.

"Well maybe I did, princess. Get over it."

Frank frowned, shrugging. "Okay." He whispered, watching as the love of his life and his wife walked through the gates. He found himself on the cold marble ground, but he didn't remember going to sit

---------------------------------------

LMFAO GUYS I KNOW I SAID I WAS GOING TO WAIT BUT I DEADASS COULDN'T I'M SO EXCITEDTO POST THIS

xo Soph