The Royalty

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

America was standing about one hundred yards away, bound to a wooden post with thick ropes. I tried to reach her, but two rebels gripped my arms, their fingers digging into my biceps, restraining me. Tears streamed down her face. My mind was whirling, trying to process what my eyes were seeing.

"I told you this would happen," Leger said from behind me, his mouth right next to my ear. I shook in rage, still trying to get to America. "I told you that I'd make you watch as I tortured her. I'm a man of my word, Your Majesty. If I say I'll do something, I'll do it."

Leger moved from behind me and stalked over to America. She struggled against the ropes, her eyes growing wide in horror. He smiled evilly at her. "Maxon!" America screamed as Leger pulled out his seemingly ever-present golden knife. "Maxon, please help me! Please don't let him hurt me!"

I called out to her, "America!"

Leger raised the knife and made a slash on her arm. She cried out in agony and wept openly. My body lurched forward, but was yanked backwards by the rebels. They shoved me down to the ground, on to my knees. I looked away from the gruesome scene taking place before my eyes. "You can't take it?" Leger taunted. "Is it too much for your fragile little heart? If this hurts you, imagine what Mer here is feeling."

There was another bloodcurdling scream and I flinched. "No! Stop!" I begged. My pulse drummed in my chest, beating at the same rate as a moving train. One of the rebels grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at America. Blood trickled down her arms causing patterns similar to that of a spider's web to form. I met her eyes and she gave me the most anguished look I'd ever seen.

Suddenly, the rebels' grips on my arm disappeared. I leaped to my feet instantly. I sprinted over to America and Leger, pumping my arms furiously. Sweat gathered at the base of my neck as I ran to them. Leger jumped in front of America and I tackled him to the ground. My hand went to his neck as I pinned him to the ground. He pulled at my hand as I cut off his air. Leger glared up at me furiously.

"Look. Look at me, Maxon," he said from under me. I tilted my head in confusion. That wasn't his voice. "It's America. It's me. Please stop, Maxon."

Reality rushed back and hit me like a blow to my stomach. My eyes focused and I saw that I was looking down at America, my hand squeezing her throat. She was staring into my eyes pleadingly. When I realized exactly what I was doing, I felt my face contort into an expression of terror. I pushed myself off of her as quickly as possible. My legs got caught in the sheets of my bed and I sprawled on to the floor.

America coughed and gasped down air as I untangled myself from the sheets and went to lean against the wall for support. There was a growing ache in my stomach. What was wrong with me? How could I try to strangle America? My breaths were coming out in ragged heaves. There was a large red mark on her neck and her cheeks were flushed.

"America," I tried to get out, my voice cracking on every syllable. "I'm- I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

I put my back to the wall and slid to the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and I tried to hide the tears that were coming by burying my head in my knees. My shoulders shook as I cried uncontrollably and silently. I was a monster. A dirty, little thing that wasn't worth the love of anyone. How could I ever be loved when all I did was bring misery and pain to those around me? I had hurt America. How could I do that? She would never forgive me for this. I wouldn't forgive myself either.

"Maxon, I'm fine," America tried to soothe. "Really, I'm okay."

I shook my head, not looking up at her. I knew her gaze would be one of pain and hurt and there was no way I'd be able to take it.

"How could you be fine? I could've killed you, America." I attempted to go on, but the words got caught in my throat as I took a shuddery breath. Guilt tried to choke me and it was difficult to continue speaking. "I was dreaming. About the South. I was scared. I was so scared, America. I've been scared ever since we got back. Scared it would happen again and I would lose you. When I'm afraid, I get edgy. I'm unpredictable."

My head rose from my knees and I wiped the tears from my cheeks, feeling a twinge of shame. I got to my feet, my legs shaky and unsteady. My eyes stayed on America. She watched my movements, looking at me with sympathy and fondness that I didn't deserve.

My brain was a jumbled mess of guilt, shame, and ideas to fix the mess I was in. Hallucinations? Nightmares? Hurting people that I love? What could I possibly do about them? I didn't know the first two, but I knew the solution to the last one. It wasn't going to be enjoyable, but it had to be done.

I sighed. "I need time to get myself back to normal. I don't know what might happen to you if you stay. There's no way in hell I'm going to risk something like this happening ever again. I need a break, some time to figure this out alone. I just need for us to spend some time- apart."

America's eyes shined with tears. I wished she wouldn't cry. "No, I can help. We can get through this together," she implored. The desperation in her voice was heart-shattering.

"No. I have to do this on my own. If it doesn't work, I promise we can try together."

America removed herself from the bed and made her way over to me. Her arms hugged my waist and pulled me closer to her. She buried her face into my sweater as I held her to me. More tears escaped as I kissed the top of her head. I closed my eyes and tried to make sure I would remember every detail of this moment. Who knows how long it'd be until I can hold her like this and not worry about hurting her in some way.

"I love you," America murmured into my chest. The way she said it sounded so much like a goodbye.

"I know, love. I know." I pulled back and looked into the depths of her eyes. She looked so staggeringly beautiful, even when she was crying. It took all I had not to ask her to stay despite what I'd said.

"America, you need to leave. I have to do this and I'm afraid if you stay too long, I'll change my mind." She nodded sadly. America rested her hand against my face, tracing my cheekbone with her thumb. I leaned into her, savoring every second, until I grabbed her hand. We held on to each other as I led her to the door. With my free hand, I turned the knob slowly. The door swung open and I looked to America. She kissed me softly on the cheek, her lips barely brushing my skin. She stepped out of the room completely and turned away from me. I held her hand until it slid from my grasp.

I went back into my bedroom. The door closed quietly and I turned the lock.