Fat Girl ✔️

He's Back

What the hell did I just hear?

I didn't want to think about it. From the way Ingrid had spoken, I knew exactly what it was. But I didn't want to think about, I didn't even want to say the word in my head.

Pregnant.

Oh god, no. I mean, I hated Ingrid, but no one deserved that. Especially at this age, and she had so much going for her. And the thought of what would happen if they kept it...

But even worse, I knew the type of person Julian was. The moment he sensed trouble, he would be gone. Poor Ingrid would be left alone to raise a baby.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what they were going through right now, what she was going through. If one thing was for sure, I couldn't tell anyone. If it were me I wouldn't want a soul to know.

Getting up from behind the counter, I fixed my crutches and limped out of the hospital. As I pushed the door open, cold air greeted me.

I turned when I heard a noise.

Julian sat on a bench outside, smoking a cigarette. He hadn't even noticed me, he was so deep in thought.

Goosebumps popped up on my skin, and my teeth chattered a little as I said, "Hey."

His eyes, cold and distant, flicked up to meet mine. He dropped his cigarette and stuffed it out with his heel. Then, sighing, he looked away.

It was silent except for the sound of my crutches thumping against the ground as I went to sit next to him on the bench. I settled down a few inches away from him.

"I know you don't like me very much, and I'm probably the last person you want to hear from," I said, with a small laugh. It wasn't like me to willingly approach a guy like Julian. If Junior-me heard that I was doing this, she would laugh. I guess things had changed a lot since then. I continued.

"But I just... I wanted you to know if you ever want someone to talk to.. I'm here."

Julian snorted. "Why would you  want to talk to me?"

I shrugged. "Recently I've learned that, most of the time, the people who hurt you are just hiding their own pain." I cleared my throat. "And I get what it's like to... be caught between two people. Not knowing who to choose."

He turned to look at me so quickly I could've sworn he had whiplash. His nostrils flared and his gaze hardened.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said.

"Ok."

We sat in silence for a while. I set my crutches next to me and leaned my head back, my eyes still closed.

I could hear him breathing softly next to me. 

I kept my eyes shut, breathing in the cool air. "Whatever you and Ingrid choose, it's her decision. But nobody deserves to be left to fend for themselves. When you're sure, about you, about who you are, tell her. Let her know, and be there for her. You don't have to be there for her romantically, but just there is good enough."

My eyes were closed, but it felt like he nodded. After a minute or two of blissful silence, I opened my eyes and stood, leaning on my crutches for support.

"As for who to choose... pick the one you love more. The one you know loves you."

As I turned to walk away, Julian called out to me one last time.

"I know which one I love more. But I'm pretty sure they want someone else."

I paused, turning back to look at him. I saw a flash of something in his eyes, and for a moment we connect. For a moment, I didn't feel like I was talking to my bully. It felt like we understood each other.

But then I heard a door open, Ingrid's high voice calling out to him. The moment left just as quickly as it had come.

***

As I pulled up to my house, my phone began ringing, the sound of "Diamonds are a girls best friend" filling up the car. I put the phone against my ear.

"Hey, Syd."

"Hey. Did you just come from the hospital?"

"Yeah. Quick checkup." I replied, getting out of the car and checking the mailbox. A few magazines and a letter addressed to me. I locked my car and strolled up to the house.

"Hear anything good?"

For a second, as I fumbled with the house keys, I considered telling her about my encounter with Julian. But, as I stepped inside the warm house, I knew some secrets aren't yours to tell.

"...the doctor said I might be fully recovered by my next checkup."

"Oh! That's...that's Great! We can finally start having some serious fun!"

I just laughed. "My next checkup isn't until next month." Taking a seat at the dining room table. I flipped through some of the magazines and an electricity bill before taking a look at my letter.

"Well, I have some great news. I got this super cute dress at the store and..."

Sydney's voice became less and less audible as I react the address of the letter. Flipping it over, I looked at the return name.

Ben Kroll, Glendale dr.

My heart quickened as I ripped the note open. Distractedly, I cut Sydney off.

"Hey, listen, I'm gonna have to call you back."

I quickly hung up the phone, setting it on the table next to me as I unfolded a thin piece of paper.

Ellie,

It's Ben. You know that already, I wrote my name on the outside of the letter. 

Sorry. That was stupid. Happy New Year, by the way. Did you have a good holiday? 

I miss you. Remember when we sat in the nook, and you told me about your father? I've been 

thinking about that a lot. I can't stop thinking of it, actually. Something you said... stuck with 

me. I hope you took my advice, about putting that love into yourself. 

I need to clear the air. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough before, but then again, I'm

not great at sharing feelings. In case you got the wrong idea, the girl I brought to dinner, Kenna?

We're just friends. I don't want you to think otherwise. There's more to say, but I think I have 

to say it in person. I'm saving up for a truck, one with mileage. I'm going to drive up to the city. I

hope to see you soon, to say something I've been wanting to say for a while.

Write back soon,

Ben