distract him; phan + troyler

chapter 9

tyler's pov

i want to tell phil. i want to tell him about my delicious moment of bliss with troye. sure, we've kissed before, but it wasn't like this. troye was the one who went for it, and i think he liked it as much as i did. it was so invigorating, and a part of me is curious to know if phil has ever experienced something like that. he's so gentle and lovely, i'm sure someone has kissed him before, even if it was just because he made them happy for a moment, just like he does for me.

my hand hovers over the cellular device, struggling to find the courage to call. it shouldn't be this hard, he's my best friend, but for some reason i'm terrified. i can sense that he's upset with me, and that's something i really don't want to talk out right now. my mood is too joyous, i'd hate to ruin that my getting into a big argument. see, you'd think that phil would be weak and apologetic based on his demeanour, but he's not. making phil lester mad is a dangerous thing, especially when you aren't sure of why.

his usual cheery tone goes dark, every one of his words penetrates the core of your being, leaving you begging for his mercy. he's never violent, just scary. he rarely yells, so he shows his disappointment in other ways. he frowns at you, like what you've done is tearing him apart. his eyebrows knit together in a such morose way that influences you to feel like crying. it's an overwhelming ordeal, but luckily i've only seen it a couple of times throughout the entirety of our friendship.

my reasonable side takes advantage though, knowing that i need someone to gush about troye with. i pick up my phone and call him as fast as i can, feeling giddy with excitement at the thought of swooning over my crush with my closest friend. it goes straight to a beeping tone though, signalling that the line is busy. i wonder who he's talking to, and if he knew i was the one calling would he have switched calls? chances are he did know it was me and he ignored it.

i pretend that it's okay, but inside i know that it hurts. shouldn't he be valuing me more than whoever it is? i'm his best friend, therefore i deserve his attention. i try calling a few more times but it's still busy. must be some important call, though i can't imagine why. maybe it's his parents, or dan or something. a small voice in my head meekly plants another idea. maybe it's his new best friend. the both of them curled up in their separate bedrooms gossiping about their old friends.

i decide to distract myself from my stupid thoughts and use my empty time for something more productive. i throw on my music and begin working on my schoolwork. the numbers swim across the page messily as i try to focus. it's hard though, all of mind is consumed by troye's kiss and whatever phil is doing.

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phil's pov

"slow down," i mumble into the receiver, hoping his words will stop slushing together and instead smoothen out.

"i need your help please," troye begs. "i think i've made a mistake."

i breathe quietly for a moment. "why are you asking me for help? why not tyler?"

the line goes deadly silent, and i'm afraid he's hung up, but then i hear a heavy sigh. "he's part of the problem."

confusion wraps around my mind, trying to squeeze some sort of answer out of it. "i need you to elaborate," i mumble. i don't know how to handle this. he's the reason dan got hurt, and he's the same boy who punched and asked me to get tyler away from him. he doesn't make sense.

"i can't make up my mind. i think i like tyler, but he gets on my nerves a lot, and it seems we don't really have a good connection. dan though, he seems to be a perfect match for me romantically, but i got bored of him, and i hurt him."

the monotonous sound of our breathing begins to lull me to sleep, all thoughts of resolving said conflict floating away, forgotten and unimportant. it'd be so easy to just hang up and ignore him, but i can't. that's not the kind of person i am. i like it when people are happy, even if it means risking something important to me, like my relationships with dan and tyler.

"i think you should talk to tyler about this? i don't know how to help you."

he protests the second tyler's name rolls off my tongue. "no, i need your advice. you're smart, and cautious. if i told tyler he'd just get upset and go crying to you, making me seem like the bad guy."

i shake my head humorously, hoping to bring up the topic of him assaulting me, but he jumps in before i can. "and before you say anything, i'm sorry. i shouldn't have hit you, and i shouldn't be begging you for attention. i know my presence has taken a toll on your friendship with tyler, and i want to apologise for that. but i won't be apologetic about how you've taken dan from me."

"you can't have the whole world troye, remember that. sometimes you have to let go, and do what's best for everyone. in this particular situation i think you should be honest with both of them and see what they think. i'm not telling you to choose necessarily, but at least weigh your options. is going after dan worth the conflict it will cause and the inevitable heartbreak?"

i wait for a negative answer, but i don't receive one. instead he just quietly agrees and hangs up, sounding hurt but at least a little more determined. i wasn't sure exactly what to say, but my advice sounded good enough. the last thing i wanted was another war, especially one involving dan, he's been through plenty. i'm already praying that i won't have to be involved in whatever happens. this should be between the 3 of them, i'm just a background character used to provide comfort.

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dan's pov

i hate all of the drama, all it does is fuel my despair and distance me from healing. i'm tired of hearing my phone ring, trying to get me to face the world. i want peace, some sort of personal escape. it's so quiet, besides the ringing of course, and i despise the loneliness. it'd be easy enough to just invite someone over, but my life isn't simple enough for that. instead, my anxiety complicates things and forces me to believe that i'd be a bother if i called someone.

so instead, i wander the house. i look at all the paintings hung along the walls delicately, breathing in the deep colours and absorbing all it's beautiful features. each one means something different to me, and make me think of something new. the one farthest left is bright green with dabbles of shadowy blue hues, making me think of troye and how dark he can get sometimes. the middle one is a light red, with sprinkles of yellow and orange. it's like a fire, blazing hot, creating a suffocating tension. it symbolises all the tension between my parents and i, like the smoke has leaked from the painting and into the space surrounding us, making it almost impossible to breathe.

the last one is a minty green, small white streaks are painted along the bottom and black splashes decorate the top. it's so diverse, and so original compared to the others. it feels cliché to say, but it's beauty reminds me of phil. he's so different from everyone else i've ever met, and he makes me genuinely happy in some sort of way that's impossible to describe. i can't think of any way to say how phil makes me feel, it's too special. i suppose his depth is what draws me in, and his caring nature is what makes me want to stay with him.

i've called him a friend, but i doubt that sometimes. he's so amazing in comparison to me, that sometimes i feel undeserving of him. other times though, i feel completely equal to him, like we're both just broken teenagers destined to fix each other. that's what i love about phil the most i suppose, how easily he completes me. we're so compatible that it's practically unbelievable. i'm almost afraid that it's all a facade and he's just doing it because he likes the idea of leading me on and letting me crash.

phil isn't like that though, he's too nice, or at least that's what everyone seems to believe. then again, people still think that i'm some heartless jerk. maybe i do come off that way sometimes, and it's usually purposeful, but that shouldn't mean that i have to be alone. i deserve phil, right? no, i don't deserve him really, but i am thankful i have him. it'd be hard to imagine what this process would be like without him. troye was really my only friend, but now he's moved on, and i should too. i need to dedicate myself to making myself happy and to focusing on phil.

a/n we hit 1k yay! thank you!

also; cats have over 100 vocal chords like wow that's mad