Standing Still, Moving On

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The blizzard last all night, everything blanketed in a thick white skin. Bryon and I spend our time on the couch, watching movie after movie. My brain hurt after our marathon, and I still can't believe wolves actually do this.

Bryon can't leave yet, the snow makes the roads too dangerous to try and leave.

We take our positions on that couch. Letting the words of other people numb our minds, I like how empty....is my new meaning.

The one in charge keeps eyeing me skittishly...His hands wringing every time he has something for me to do. The first time he told me to do something I almost fell over laughing...Bryon and I laughed till our stomach's hurt. I could hear the wolf on the phone with Fin, telling him I'm not cooperating with anything he's saying...That I'm, very....difficult, hard to....handle.

I scream out for Fin to hear..." put a proper wolf in charge, and maybe I'll listen." I laugh again, I am taunting this poor wolf...He's cracking underneath the pressure he's feeling...but when Bryon and me gang up on him. I swear I can smell his urine coming out of this wolf who does not belong in that spot. He's frightened to the point he's almost pissing himself.

This pitiful wolf decides to make a stand..."You better watch out how you talk to me, I could always tell Fin how much time you're spending with him." His head points in the direction of Bryon.

Now it's my turn to regard this threat. I step into his space, looking at him in the eye with a challenge, he can't meet. "I'm going to send your head back to Fin, in a box, wrapped with a pretty red bow."

Bryon puts a hand on my shoulder, which is the first time I have felt his hand on me. I don't feel any spark, any kind of tingles...it's just a normal touch...without the moon's influence. I like that.

"What exactly are you going to say?" Bryon's voice has my wolf taking a very small notice in him....The little wolf in front of us cowers..."Tell me exactly what you're going to say?" Byron's voice is edged in threat.

Not only am I in his space but now Bryon is touching his body against the wolf. His heart beat has accelerated in his chest. I can smell the fear that makes me lick his skin....

"You taste good...Do you understand what I do to wolves who threaten me?" My voice is low in his ear. My body is humming with a need, but this fight wouldn't be fair...It would be like killing a small child. I think to myself that he needs to call Fin and thank him for showing me restraint. If this were the old me before the last words of his sentence were out of his mouth, I would be holding his head in my hand.

"Leave...don't come back." I dismiss him...already forgetting he's still there.

After our encounter, we're left alone to do as we please. Not even a sideways glance is given our way.

Our mornings are spent in the car learning to drive..Bryon's a good teacher...never raising his voice, correcting me if needed. Always praising me when I do a good job. I'm gaining confidence in myself that yes indeed I can learn new things...I can adapt.

"See Victoria, it wasn't so hard." He pats me on the shoulder, letting his hand stay there for a minute longer than appropriate before he drops it at his side. He looks away from me, clenching his fist.

Hung over mornings are spent learning to drive and afternoons have us lounging on the couch, sometimes we share a blanket together. I catch myself at times looking at this wolf...He's strong in his own way..just a little lost like me. Sometimes our eye catch one another's before we look away.

The other day was embarrassing when I touched my skin against Bryon's arm...my compulsions are starting to get the better of me.

I'm starting to put on weight, my bodies natural response to my impending cycle...hormones making my mood point in one direction only to point to the other in extreme volumes of unusual character.

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