Smile For Me, Ressler

41

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

I'd still choose her.

Zild

"Please, keep her safe!" umiiyak na sigaw ni Ressler nang ipasok na si Tam sa operating room.

Bakas sa mukha niya ang gulat sa pangyayari, pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang galit ko sa kanya kaya marahas kong kinuha ang kuwelyo niya at idiniin siya sa pader.

"She's f*ckin' sick and you know that!" I yelled. Anger was written all over my face. "She has cancer, Ress! She has a f*ckin' cancer!"

My voice was shaking, my jaw and fist clenched altogether.

"She needed you, Ress. She suffered alone for the past two years. She . . . She was undergoing chemo and other treatments to survive and you didn't f*ckin' notice that? Damn it! You believed her when she told you she was fine? F*ck you, Ress. F*ck you! She should've married me instead!" I yelled, crying like a mad kid who got his candy stolen by the bullies.

"She was always pale. She wasn't able to walk straight everytime she takes treatments. She was . . . losing her hair. She was having bruises all over her body! Her nose was bleeding from time to time!"

He didn't speak. He just cried in silence.

"She was there for you when your ex died, Ress. But you weren't there for her when she was fighting for her life.You were in a relationship for five years when you guys got married. Add two years to that, making you seven years together. For that long, you haven't noticed anything? Even the smallest details about her?"

Nasasaktan ako para kay Tam. All she did was love and protect him, but all she has received was pain.

I was working late tonight because I needed to repeat my damn project, but I was uneasy the whole time. It felt like something bad is going to happen.

And I was right.

A minute later, Ressler called me. Tam was coughing blood and her nose was bleeding. He didn't know what to do. Of course, how would he know? He wasn't there for her right from the start.

"If you really love her, you should've known. Even if she kept the truth away from you, you should've known it by yourself. You should've reached out to her. You should've followed her everyday behind her back. Para sana, nalaman mo. Para sana, nakita mo kung gaano siya nahirapan. Para sana, nando'n ka no'ng kailangan ka niya. Kasi kahit ako 'yong nando'n para sa kanya, ikaw lagi 'yong hinahanap niya. Ikaw 'yong totoong kailangan niya. Ikaw at ikaw lang."

Binitawan ko siya at saka ako humarap sa pinto ng operating room.

"Akala mo ba, masaya siya sa 'kin?" natatawang sabi ko saka ko pinunasan ang luha ko. "Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung paano mo nagawang tumawa at ngumiti sa harap ng ibang babae habang 'yong asawa mo, lumalaban mag-isa. She wants to live, Ress. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to live. She wanted to live. But the moment we went over to your company dinner and found out you weren't there because you left with that stupid Morales? She lost hope. She lost her willingness to fight for her life. I saw it with my own two eyes," I trailed off. "Alam mo, lagi kong hinihiling na sana, ikaw 'yong nakakakita ng mga bagay na hindi ko naman talaga dapat makita."

He stayed silent.

"What happened tonight was a proof of how incompetent husband you are. You didn't know how to protect your wife that's why you called me," I scoffed. My eyes were still fixed on the operating room.

"She saw you today with Morales. She came to see me after that. She was hurt, Ress. She was already suffering physically and mentally and you know that. But why did you have to make her suffer emotionally, too?" I paused, glancing at him.

"I know you, Ressler. You are my cousin. You were my friend. And I know the fact that you wouldn't spend time alone with a girl who's just a friend. You wouldn't genuinely smile and laugh around her if she's just a friend. You're not like that. You can fool everyone, but not me. You were surrounded by guy friends for your whole life. It's the first time you're claiming to have a friend who turns out to be a girl."

"She's just a friend. Why won't you believe me? Why . . . can't she believe in me? Why does she make me the bad guy here?" he replied, finally finding his voice to speak up.

"Because you are. You are the bad guy here. The moment you let your guard down and let another woman in your life, a friend or not, the fact that your wife is dying and you still have a lot of time to hang out with another woman, makes you the bad guy here," I said, flashing him a weak smile.

"The first time I noticed that something was wrong with her? It was your wedding day. I was looking at her the whole time, and I noticed something different about her. She lost weight. She was pale, even with her make up on. She was not feeling well. And when I got the chance to dance with her, after you danced with her, that's the moment I finally confirmed that my observations were right. I saw the hidden bruises in her arm. I asked her if you knew, but she pleaded not to tell you. She said she was fine but I didn't believe her. I forced her to come with me in the hospital. I told her if she doesn't come with me, I will tell you. And that's it. That's why we left that night. Your wedding day was also the day she was diagnosed with cancer."

A moment of silence after hearing my confession.

I was waiting for him to say anything but he didn't.

So, I did instead.

"You know what's the difference between us? You focused on the beauty and happiness you found in her. That's why when those things disappeared like a bubble, you thought she doesn't love you anymore," I stated, sitting on the floor. Medyo nangalay na rin kasi ako.

"And what makes you different from me?" he asked, his eyes on the floor.

"I was there for her before you found that beauty and happiness in her. Remember? I needed to get in the way for you to realize that you have feelings for her. She followed you around for too long. She even enrolled as a second courser just to be with you. She wanted to be around you."

Exhausted, I looked at him.

"I saw how she handled the pain the moment she found out that you already have a girlfriend. It was your birthday, Ress. I saw her running away from your room. Her eyes were filled with tears. Muntik pa nga siya mahulog sa hagdan if I didn't catch her. And that makes a big difference between me and you. You did nothing but hurt her, while all I did was clean up your mess and make her feel better."

Tumayo ulit ako at muli siyang tiningnan.

"You have wasted two years already, Ressler. Don't waste another time. We don't know when she'll stop breathing. It can be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. We can't tell. So, if you still choose to be Morales' friend than to be Tam's husband? You should've had the cancer instead. Para alam mo kung ano'ng nararamdaman niya." I said for the last time, wishing for him to open his eyes and see what he's about to lose. I know what I just said was wrong, but sometimes it takes one wrong move to finally make things right.

Because if I were him? I would choose Tam over and over again. Even if there's a possibility that I would lose her in the end, I'd still choose her. That's how love works.

_____

Tiana: Ziiilllddddd :((((