Alpha Mates

Chapter 43

Julian's P.O.V

I ruined everything.

It's been three weeks since Aiden left and it's getting harder to breath. He didn't reject our bond straight out but his eyes only coveted regret, pain and disappointment. There was love too but it wasn't like before, it seemed to only burden him now and that was enough to tell Alex and I what we feared the most.

People always say the first days without your mate are the worst but they're truly the easiest, you have hope and the reality of the situation doesn't hit you right away. After Aiden left I stayed in that spot crying my heart out with the thought that he'd walk back in and we'd fix this but he didn't, I woke up the next day after crying myself to sleep. I was paralyzed by the new strain I felt on our relationship, the agony he was feeling was like around the clock torture that made my entire being shatter.

I went looking for him immediately, ready to do anything I had to to fix what I broke. I followed his scent far out of state but it stopped at a gas station and there was nothing left. I searched the area but there wasn't any sign of him, I looked at the gas station's camera surveillance and caught a glimpse of him. The image of his broken eyes made Alex howl in discomfort, I knew this went a little deeper than just me, I could tell he was shaken with his own inflictions on the guy. He seemed scared of himself, I think what happened triggered something in him and it was all my fault. I don't even know what I was thinking, Isabel's plan was just too far and I knew that and went along with it anyway. I keep asking myself why I'd react like I did, yeah I was angry and hurt but it didn't mean I had to fire back and much worse at that.

He headed north in the video so, so did I. I just kept going pushing myself for days in my wolf form while trying every second to talk to him through the mind link but he blocked me out. It was about at the end of the first week that Emitt and Isabel found me and dragged me back to the pack despite me fighting them, I wasn't in any shape to take them both on and they kept saying I was searching aimlessly. But returning to the place where he left me just deepened the wound that was already killing me. Emitt had absolutely no idea where he could be and I believed him, his parents did but they wouldn't tell me. I almost attacked his dad but my own stopped me when I lunged at him. They were keeping me from my mate knowing that each day that passed took a greater toll on the both of us. Every day without him made me break a little more, I was losing myself without him since he was now a part of me. He made everything around me brighter and now that he wasn't here, my life was coated in a dark coat of depression.

When I tried to go searching again my father used all the men to stop me claiming I needed to eat and rest, but I couldn't. I couldn't eat without Aiden with me gobbling down the meal I'd make him and I couldn't sleep without him holding me in his arms while engulfing me in his scent. So I locked myself in the suite and stayed in our bed, grasping onto the faint scent of him on the sheets that I refused to wash. When that faded, I wore and clung to his clothes, desperate to have just a piece of him near me.

So now here I was, verging onto three weeks without food, sleep or much contact with anyone. Any other wolf would be on their death bed by now but Alphas were stronger, I felt like dying though, it'd probably be less painful than this is.
Alex stopped speaking after the first week, it was too much for him, having Max mad at him too, he couldn't take it plus not knowing where they were. I could feel my body slowly shutting down but I didn't care, the pain was no where near the pain I felt from not having any contact with my mate for so long. I miss his smirks and those stupid shades he wears too much, his laugh that always echoed through the house, his comforting scent that made me feel strong, waking up to him already smiling at me.....I miss him so much.