"A connection too deep for destruction. Two souls, eternally destined."
---Perri
Maybe I could start fires with what I felt for her. When I first saw her, slowly the attraction crept into my heart turning into a heart melting obsession and then the dream to have my happily ever after was unaccounted but I knew that she was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. No one ever could want anything more than I wanted my Nandini. I knew that she deserved the entire universe and I was just a star; nothing in comparison to her illumination.
It was getting darker and the curves of the mountainous roads growing narrower. It rained an hour back and thus it'd be correct to say driving cautiously was the only option I had. I increased the temperature of the heater of the car for it was getting unusually colder. The weather seemed strangely celestial with raindrops falling arrhythmically on the car roof and everywhere within my eyesight. The sound was so calming. I glanced over Nandini maintaining my control over the steering wheel. Could she feel me missing her? I had it maintained all these years that I wouldn't be talking to her until she came back to being my old Nandini but God knew why I ended up choosing the antipope. Unlike the previous years, I wanted to talk. I wanted her to listen to me and even knowing that she'd reply with her silence, I was ready to talk to her quietness too. Placing my hand on her lap, I faintly smiled at her, a smile that she always wanted to grow livelier.
"Cabir and Navya got hitched today...I'm so happy for them and you know right, Aryaman is next on the list? Next month it is...ahh finally he's getting settled. You know right, I used to get so jealous of him in the beginning because I thought he and you had something in between." I tittered shaking my head. "God, only if I knew then that your heart would belong to one and only me. Am I worth it? Hm?" I kept driving looking through the wipers leaving one of my hands on her thigh as it was. It calmed my soul.
"You always read sad novels, Nandini which wasn't a very right thing to do, don't you now think so? You made our lives one like that." My questions were never answered by her blankness.
"When Cabir saw Navya arriving today walking through the aisle, that shine on his face was worth every sacrifice in the world. That look... that..that wait when you finally see your beloved bride walking closer to your life and you can't help but foresee a happily ever after for the two of you as if all.. your prayers got answered." I sneered sadly and it was an engulfing silence feeding her soul at the cost of my tranquility. I prayed to the nature to make us meet, soon and I heard the nature promise back. I just knew.
"I.." I sighed "Do you love me Nandini, still? Because having not heard those three words from you have eaten my cores slowly." I acted like it wasn't a big deal when it really was breaking my heart. It felt like I was waiting for the right train on the wrong platform; something that would never ever happen.
In the beginning days of this agony, I just wanted to scream but gradually everything inside me calmed and then numbed and creepily died. Just for once I wanted to see that spark in those dull eyes; the ones that guided me to light. In a way Nandini fixed me but in another way, she also broke me. But I also knew, just because her lifeless eyes never teared didn't mean her heart never cried.
"I love you Nandini" I kissed her cold fingers bringing them close to my lips.
I wanted her to blush. I wanted her to look away shyly which stole my heart millions of times. I wanted her to bite her lips whilst she fidgeted the ends of her hair. I wanted her to slid in my kurta and pretend like she owned it. I wanted her to jump over me again whenever I'd sleep and whisper my name in my ears as her lips would brush against my skin. I wanted her to cajole me to bunk the party and spend the night with her watching our favourite movie cuddling under the same duvet. I also wanted her to moan my name as we made love; I knew that she knew how much I craved to hear her scream my name. I wanted to see that redness on her face whenever I touched her sexually. I wanted her to scream and throw the bucket of popcorn on me whilst watching a horror movie, I loved putting them on because she'd stick closer to me through out. I wanted her to breathe against my skin as she slept securely tucked inside my arms. I knew how she watched me sleeping for hours early in the morning but I pretended to sleep for I never wanted to break her reverie. I wanted her. I wanted Nandini and I wanted her in my yesterday, today and all of my tomorrows. Moreover I miss the me I was with her.
