02. A place in my mind

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Baylor pov.


I look around our empty apartment for anyone but they're gone. My bed is made and everything is exactly how I left it. The kitchen is a mess as if someone was in the middle of dinner and just dropped everything and ran out the open door.

I call out to him but the only sound was the echo of my own voice. I walk over to his room where his drawers are open and clothes strewn about. He was in a hurry for something.

I call out next but still there was no answer. Shakily I walk to his room. I never stepped foot in here after Cam cleaned it out. It took Cameron almost a month to get all her things packed up and in boxes. I feel horrible thinking back on it for making him do it alone. I should have been there for him.

Slowly I open up the door and gasp when I see the room.

The walls are still painted the Neon / lime green color that she loved so much.  Along the corner wall is a small twin bed with all black sheets and pillows.

A desk sits against the wall by the door and I look down to see a bunch of college brochures sitting on it.

Most of them are in Georgia, a couple are from here in Nevada, and there's one from California.

All of them focus on a degree in Creative Writing. I didn't know he liked to write? Now that I think of it we've never talked about what we want to do or what he likes to do.

Since I'm in his room I take this opportunity to look around and learn a little more about him.

On the night stand by his bed lays a black notebook. I feel like it's pulling me toward it as my feet move in that direction without permission.

I let my fingers glide across the rough cover of the notebook. I open it up and my breath is taken away when I read the first page.


"The once white ground
covered in red
A screeching sound
Now you're dead"

"When did I become so lost?
I can't find myself
Am I just a ghost?
Where's my shadow
My mind is scattered
Is there even a tomorrow
Where's the people I love
They're no longer here
Gone forever
Does anyone care?"

My heart breaks at the scribbled words written in red ink. They're beautiful, and deep, filled with heartache, and he sounds so vulnerable in these pages. He tries to hide how much he's hurting but the pain he's in is clear by the endless words on these pages. He let's his vulnerability show in his writing and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever read.

This only makes me want to find him more so I run out from his room and out of the front door. I stop when I notice where I'm at. I'm at the ocean, the sun is setting making the horizon an amazing mix of purples and blues, red and oranges. My feet are resting on the top of the water and I don't know how I'm doing it but I'm in too much awe to care.

My feet fumble towards the sunset wanting to follow it but I stop when I hear a voice. Then red writing appears on the other side of the sky by the shore.

"Bay, I'm writing you in my hospital bed because I can't be there next to you in yours. Here's something you don't know about me, when I'm upset, happy, or feel any way so much that I feel the need to express it, I write it down. It's stupid and I'm embarrassed of what I write because it's not great. My mother would always read me these poems that she wrote before bed, I adored them and I always tried to write them too. She's the only person who ever saw my writing.

But I want to show you, I want to write one for you. It may not be the best, it may not even be good but it is true. I wrote this the first time we kissed.

"It was a moment that only we knew, a way between us that no other person in this world could ever fathom. And it was an ever blissful- beautiful thing. A connection that nobody would ever realize was so inexplicably heavenly. A moment where I wanted to say, 'I am so in love with you'."

Please don't leave me now Princess.

"I won't ash!"
I yell back but the words disappear in the sky and I no longer hear his voice.

I feel so lost not knowing where to go to find him again. How do I get out of here, how do I get to him.

I take a look at the sunset once more debating on going towards it but instead I run the opposite way towards Asher.

But when I turn around to run towards him I'm in a field of Lilly's. I cover my mouth and nose with my hand as fast as I can and look for a way out but the field goes on forever.

"It's okay, they won't hurt you here."
A far too missed voice says and I instantly turn around and tackle her to the ground in a hug as our tears soak both of our shoulders.

When I grudgingly release her from my arms I notice how beautiful she looks.

Her brown hair is in big curls down to her shoulders, her copper eyes shine brightly in the sun, her full lips are pulled into a radiating smile and she doesn't have a single flaw on her perfect face.

She's wearing a simple white dress with lace trim at the bottom and she looks absolutely stunning in it.

She's wearing a simple white dress with lace trim at the bottom and she looks absolutely stunning in it

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"You look beautiful Kaylee!"

"Thanks sis so do you."

"How the hell are you here?"
I ask her excitedly but her smile soon turns to a sad one.

"I'm not, I'm just in your head bay."
Disappointment runs through my veins like poison when I realize she isn't actually here with me. This is all just a dream?

"So cams graduation is next week right? Then my little sister will be a senior!"

"It was suppose to be your graduation too."
My voice begins to get shaky as I fight back the tears and she wraps me up in a hug. I never want this hug to end. Words can't describe how good it feels to be here with her, I never want to leave.

"I know bay. I know. And I wish I could have graduated and had kids and fell in love but it was all stolen from me. But it's not for you. So don't waste your life. Start painting and sketching again! You were amazing! Ten times better than I ever was."

"Why should I get to do those things when you can't!"
I sob to her and she cups both of my cheeks and looks me in the eyes with a small smile.

"Do it for me. Name your kids after me. Live your life for me."
She says and gives me another hug and when I open my eyes she's gone.


A/N; Hello guys!....:)

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!:)

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